BPD EXPRESS: Sixth Edition

SUPER POWERED NEWS BITES

Harry Sampson The Real Homer?
After a twenty year battle Harry Sampson, the newly announced 'original face of Homer Simpson,' has finally been acknowledged by Simpsons creator Matt Groening. Of course, the payout of a $20 settlement will help too—possibly with tonight's dinner.

"They mocked my visage and my speech to create that dufus. I hope the loss of twenty bucks will teach them they can't do this to people."

After it was suggested he might have asked for twenty million dollars Sampson slapped himself on the forehead with a heartfelt "D'oh!"

Images by photographer Pixeloo see more of his work at pixeloo.blogspot.com

Batman Secret Identity Hoax
A recent media frenzy speculated a note (sprawled on a Gotham City mailbox) had revealed Batman's secret identity. That of billionaire Bruce Wayne. This week BPD has discovered a much less interesting though more insidious truth: America has punctuation issues.

Calvin Hogdutter just wanted to share a "goofy idea I'd gotten" with a friend who wasn't home at the time. "I just couldn't wait," said the cum laude grad, "so I wrote it on the mailbox. Who knew a comma changes the meaning of a sentence?!"

Hogdutter's missive should have read:
"Bruce, Wayne is Batman"

As in their mutual friend Wayne Peterson
of 1221 Lovecraft St, West Gotham.

Sadly, this information has also proven erroneous.

photo by Occasional Superheroine. See more of her work at occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com

J.Lo's Baby-Daddy the Skeleton in He-Man's Closet
Although many claim to have known it all along, we now have incontrovertible proof that singer Marc Anthony is in fact Skeletor.

"I just don't know why he ripped off his mask the way he did," said the fan who caught this candid shot of the couple. "I mean, we all suspected. It's right there in the bone structure. But, why'd he come out of the closet so suddenly!? I almost pissed my pants...by the way, has anyone seen that kid? I'm just sayin'..."

We Need Your HELP!
Spotted any other Masters of the Universe characters on the streets? Have they been makin' babies? Let us know. Upload a picture.

NEWS BITES COMPILED BY
Senior Editor SHERIN NICOLE

Ask the Question!

It's time for another installment of ASK THE QUESTION! Let's dive into this week's mailbag...

Dear Question,

My recently deceased father left me a large trust in his will with the corollary that I use the fund to the "benefit of mankind." After much consideration, I've decided I would like to develop a superhero team led by Jessica Drew, Spider-Woman. Do you have her contact information, by chance?

-RS

Yes, I do. The information has been left in a secure location, to which you have the key. That should be enough of a clue. (I am intrigued that you are aware of her secret identity, btw. This may warrant further investigation. If anything happens to the lady in question, I'll know where to start investigating.)

Being a benefactor to a team of extralegal operatives carries considerable liabilities--but my investigation suggests you have some assets that go beyond the merely financial. Your meetings last week with a certain "recruiter" piqued my interest, as did a certain classified ad placed in a local weekly newspaper. You know the one that I mean.

There are currently four individuals keeping watch on your home address. Two of them are law enforcement agents, two are not. Your phone is not tapped... yet. Exercise caution.
-Q

Question,
I recently learned that my recitation of a word, multiple times, caused an evil force to torture one of my best friends. I killed the bastard, but now she barely speaks to me and I think she's started messing around with my best friend. What can I do?
signed, Broomstick Thunder

Learn other words. Such as "confession." I hear it's good for the soul. And the one that you killed...? Don't be so sure--sources suggest it's not as clear-cut as you seem to believe. BTW, she is.

-Q

haha you have no face! i ated the purple berries and my cats breath smells like cat food. mine tastes like glue. my name is ralph...im in a movie!!!
-Ralph Wiggum

We are all in a movie, Ralph. But who is watching?

A bit of friendly advice--stop playing with your daddy's gun. Maggie has much better aim than you do.

-Q

Yo, Q,

Since you are absurdly obliged to answer the questions posted here, riddle me this: WHO IS THE QUESTION? And WHEN DID YOU HAVE A SEX CHANGE OPERATION? Dude, I thought you were a woman now.
-Green Durby

I am The Question... but what is the answer? All questions are a choice. What do you choose by asking... and what do you choose to do with the answer?

Pursue this existential line of thought and you may end up with more Questions than you know how to handle. But seeking is itself an answer. Consider this: neither knowledge nor truth nor wisdom in themselves are power--but without them, power is meaningless.

As to the second half of the above--do you think the picture above is necessarily me? Perhaps and perhaps not. The Question is... would you know me if you saw me? I might be sitting right next to you at Starbucks as you read this blog on your laptop.

The vente latte was a good choice, though I prefer chai.

-Q

Do YOU have something to "Ask The Question"? Send in your queries by posting a comment! We can't guarantee the Question will reply, um, as you might prefer, but... what do you have to lose?

Question artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved