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This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 23, 2007

"...And Then I Woke Up Chinese" *Dun Dun Duhhh* Lex Luthor Unleashes the MinoriBeam!


Caution: This post must be read in an As-Seen-On-TV style, or if you prefer, try 1950's Television Announcer.

*







Lex! Luthor! Unleashes The,
unbeatable, MinoriBeam®! Alabaster Folks Git Scarit!

Angry over lack of support for his new blackness, Lex Luthor created the
MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam. Experience the slings and arrows of melanin enriched life! Lex Luthor says now!

*





You didn't know? You better ask somebody. Super—heroes and villains, everywhere are
turning up colored: Lois Lane, The Punisher, Kingpin, Catwoman, Superboy-Prime prime prime prime.

Prime says "..And then I woke up Chinese." Vixen says "You're not Chinese. You're Japanese." It doesn't matter! He's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

Luthor calls it wicked, wacky fun! Booster Gold turns up Indian. Can't stop singing and dancing. Takes tech-support calls during battle! He's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

But wait! No one is safe. Even those who check 'other' on government forms are being affected. During a tussle with Superboy-Prime, Vixen, of the JLA, caught a ricochet off his pseudo-Monitor suit. Now she's Maori or Samoan. We can't quite tell!

Storm, of the X-Men, has never 'acted black.' She now says things like 'Jive Turkey' and 'Wuzzup little bitches!'

Couldn't tell Jubilee was Asian? You can now! She's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

Prime says "I can't stop eating Dim Sum!" Vixen says "That's sushi you idiot!" IT DOESN'T MATTER! They've been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

[*feminine discomfort voice*]
The Minoribeam! Now in an exciting line of T-shirts!
Five Fantastic Flavors Featuring:


Black - Don't Clutch Yo' Purse Lady! I've Just Been Hit By The MinoriBeam
®.

Cream
- I Can't Do Your Taxes! I'm A Victim of The MinoriBeam®.

Brown
- I'm Not Your Gardner! I Got Roshambo'd By The MinoriBeam®.

Red
- Me No Whumpum' Squaw! It Was The MinoriBeam®.

Yellow - My Eyes No Do This Naturarree! I've Been Hit By The MinoriBeam®.

Protect yourself from arrest today!


* IMAGES LEFT TO RIGHT: Vixen, Superboy-Prime, Punisher, Lois Lane, Kingpin, Catwoman, Lex Luthor, Jubilee

SPECIAL THANKS TO: The Absorbascon and Chris's Invincible Super-Blog for the linked blog entries


This advertisement made possible by a grant from: JAMES 'Why Yes, That Is My Real Name' RAMBO and KATHERINE 'More Stylish Than Jackie-O' BITTNER

4 comments:

Mike Carey said...

That... is... INSPIRED! "Takes tech support calls during battle..." I'm so glad I'd finished my coffee at that point. :) :) :)

Walking through Destinys Garden said...

strangely, Booster Gold singing and dancing doesn't sound that for from the reality of Booster Gold's life.

I mean you know that Blue and Gold released a musical version of thier lives

Andrew said...

[Abner Jenkins, former Beetle and Machs I thru IV, shares his stunning testimonial!]

Baron Zemo finally turned me into an effective villain with his Thunderbolts scheme!

Hawkeye finally turned me into a responsible citizen by convincing me to go to jail!

But only my pal Techno's mail-order Minoribeam could FINALLY turn me black!
You wouldn't believe how uncomfortable I was able to make my wannabe-liberal girlfriend, Songbird!
Never before have I been able to elicit white guilt in others with such ease and, as we say in the hood, ~STYLE~!
My, when I visited by favorite local tech-store and geek hotspot, I even got treated like a common shoplifter!

You too can have this kind of fun!!

Then next time you see me fly on by in my Mach-XII supersuit, you can finally feel comfortable yelling,
"Say, Abe! Whoo! That's a BAAAD outfit! WHOOO!"

Drew said...

Definitely one of the stranger inspirations our gang's had lately...
Drew