This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 23, 2007

"...And Then I Woke Up Chinese" *Dun Dun Duhhh* Lex Luthor Unleashes the MinoriBeam!

Caution: This post must be read in an As-Seen-On-TV style, or if you prefer, try 1950's Television Announcer.


Lex! Luthor! Unleashes The,
unbeatable, MinoriBeam®! Alabaster Folks Git Scarit!

Angry over lack of support for his new blackness, Lex Luthor created the
MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam. Experience the slings and arrows of melanin enriched life! Lex Luthor says now!


You didn't know? You better ask somebody. Super—heroes and villains, everywhere are
turning up colored: Lois Lane, The Punisher, Kingpin, Catwoman, Superboy-Prime prime prime prime.

Prime says "..And then I woke up Chinese." Vixen says "You're not Chinese. You're Japanese." It doesn't matter! He's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

Luthor calls it wicked, wacky fun! Booster Gold turns up Indian. Can't stop singing and dancing. Takes tech-support calls during battle! He's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

But wait! No one is safe. Even those who check 'other' on government forms are being affected. During a tussle with Superboy-Prime, Vixen, of the JLA, caught a ricochet off his pseudo-Monitor suit. Now she's Maori or Samoan. We can't quite tell!

Storm, of the X-Men, has never 'acted black.' She now says things like 'Jive Turkey' and 'Wuzzup little bitches!'

Couldn't tell Jubilee was Asian? You can now! She's been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

Prime says "I can't stop eating Dim Sum!" Vixen says "That's sushi you idiot!" IT DOESN'T MATTER! They've been hit by the MinoriBeam®! beam beam beam.

[*feminine discomfort voice*]
The Minoribeam! Now in an exciting line of T-shirts!
Five Fantastic Flavors Featuring:

Black - Don't Clutch Yo' Purse Lady! I've Just Been Hit By The MinoriBeam

- I Can't Do Your Taxes! I'm A Victim of The MinoriBeam®.

- I'm Not Your Gardner! I Got Roshambo'd By The MinoriBeam®.

- Me No Whumpum' Squaw! It Was The MinoriBeam®.

Yellow - My Eyes No Do This Naturarree! I've Been Hit By The MinoriBeam®.

Protect yourself from arrest today!

* IMAGES LEFT TO RIGHT: Vixen, Superboy-Prime, Punisher, Lois Lane, Kingpin, Catwoman, Lex Luthor, Jubilee

SPECIAL THANKS TO: The Absorbascon and Chris's Invincible Super-Blog for the linked blog entries

This advertisement made possible by a grant from: JAMES 'Why Yes, That Is My Real Name' RAMBO and KATHERINE 'More Stylish Than Jackie-O' BITTNER


Mike Carey said...

That... is... INSPIRED! "Takes tech support calls during battle..." I'm so glad I'd finished my coffee at that point. :) :) :)

Walking through Destinys Garden said...

strangely, Booster Gold singing and dancing doesn't sound that for from the reality of Booster Gold's life.

I mean you know that Blue and Gold released a musical version of thier lives

Andrew said...

[Abner Jenkins, former Beetle and Machs I thru IV, shares his stunning testimonial!]

Baron Zemo finally turned me into an effective villain with his Thunderbolts scheme!

Hawkeye finally turned me into a responsible citizen by convincing me to go to jail!

But only my pal Techno's mail-order Minoribeam could FINALLY turn me black!
You wouldn't believe how uncomfortable I was able to make my wannabe-liberal girlfriend, Songbird!
Never before have I been able to elicit white guilt in others with such ease and, as we say in the hood, ~STYLE~!
My, when I visited by favorite local tech-store and geek hotspot, I even got treated like a common shoplifter!

You too can have this kind of fun!!

Then next time you see me fly on by in my Mach-XII supersuit, you can finally feel comfortable yelling,
"Say, Abe! Whoo! That's a BAAAD outfit! WHOOO!"

Drew said...

Definitely one of the stranger inspirations our gang's had lately...