This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

May 27, 2008

The High: Back in Action? The Low: Still Missing?

DATELINE UNKNOWN - We here at BPD love a good rumor, and boy, did we hear one this week. Seems that long-bygone superhero the High (who reportedly imitated a bug on SkyWatch's "windshield" a few years ago) may not be as bygone as believed.

"I saw this... um, sort of glass tube," reported our source. "It was full of, of, red glop, I guess. Sorta made me nauseous looking at it, 'cause it was, uh, churning. If the paperwork was right, that's what the SkyWatch jockeys scooped up after he went splat. You ask me, wasn't nothing exactly dead in that glass tube."

What does it all mean? We have no idea, but we'll keep our ears open.

(P.S. We're only kidding about the Low--but wouldn't it be cool if the High had a thematic counterpart?)

May 15, 2008

New Jersey Barfly Responsible for Skrull Invasion

ASBURY PARK, NJ - Local barfly Randall "Gumball" Greeves admitted that the present onslaught of Skrull warriors is pretty much his fault.

"A couple years ago, I was sittin' next to this guy down at the Low Tide Bar 'n Grill," Greeves said. "He was kinda green and had this bumpy chin, but he was buyin', so I listen to him. He says his people are ridin' him to come up with some big idea--something that'll really get folks excited. So I look at the TV and say, 'Hey, war's always good. Invade somebody, but just do it kinda smart.' He gets this look in his eye, pays the tab and says, 'Thanks, human scum,' before headin' out. Lookin' back, that might not be the best advice I ever gave someone."

Greeves has been in hot water like this before. "Yeah, there was this high class lawyer lady, drinkin' by herself and cryin' over some egghead named Ray who dumped her. I said, 'Hey, show him you're somebody! You ain't gotta be pushed around. Make him notice you--maybe do somethin' big that'll grab his attention. Get him jealous or somethin'.' That didn't turn out too good neither.

"I think I oughtta stop givin' advice, you know? 'Cept when someone's buyin', 'cause it's just rude not to listen to the other guy's problems, you know what I mean? Speakin' of which, there's this guy from Gotham City, white face, big smile, hangin' out in the bar the other night..."

More news as it develops.

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics and DC Comics, all rights reserved

May 12, 2008

New Yorkers Largely Ignore Skrull Invasion

NEW YORK CITY - Covering the latest crisis to afflict the Big Apple (and, okay, the rest of the world too), Bugles Planet Daily has found that most New Yorkers have largely ignored the invasion by waves of new-fangled Super-Skrulls and Skrull shock troops.

"Hey, dis is New York, know what I'm sayin'?" said taxi driver Vito "the Big D" DeNardo. "I seen Galactus fifty yards off the hood of my cab--ya think some scaly green space-freaks are gonna faze me after that? Fugeddabouddit!"

Vito's cab was vaporized shortly afterward, but his sentiments live on among the disaffected and serenely undisturbed residents of the city.

"I think the Baxter Building ate itself," said nurse/elderly care specialist Susan Krychak. "There was a bright light--I didn't get too surprised, there's always something weird going on there, but it isn't every day you see a building eat itself. It was like in that movie Poltergeist. I got a picture of it on my cellphone camera."

"If it messes up the playoffs, I'm gonna be pissed," said grad student/bartender Huck Smith. "That's all I'm saying."

"People have a pretty high tolerance for the weird and horrifying around here," said Urban Crisis Management Division Chief Hudson Smedly. "They figure they made it through Galactus, the time when the whole city was boosted into space by Dr. Doom, Atlantis attacking us two or three times, a bunch of big nasty mutant events, that superhero Civil War thing, then World War Hulk... heck, this invasion barely makes the top five. Let's see where we are in another week or two; that'll tell you if we ought to be worried or not. As for me, I'm thinkin' about catching up with my cousin in Scottsdale, Arizona."

More news as it develops.

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved