That would the symbol for the conjoined version of Mal Duncan and Firestorm after the Zeta Beam accident...
CULVER CITY, CA. - Artist Michael Turner, founder of Aspen Studios, achieved immortality as of June 28. Accompanied by Fathom, Soulfire, Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) and Sara Pezzini (aka Witchblade), he was escorted to a higher plane following a long battle with cancer.
Turner achieved fame with his work at Top Cow Studios, creating the definitive look of several female characters. He has long been considered one of the industry's best artists, particularly for drawing beautiful women.
Fans of his work are urged to donate to the American Cancer Society or to the Make-a-Wish Foundation in his name. Cards and letters may be sent to:
Aspen MLT, Inc.
c/o Michael Turner
5855 Green Valley Circle, Suite 111
Culver City, CA, 90230
The thoughts and prayers of the BPD staff are with his family, friends and co-workers.
Word on the street is that there's an all-new Question running around Gotham, working glove-in-glove with a nasty group of religious fanatics. We at BPD were naturally a little concerned, so we went out to bring you this installment of Ask the Question. This time, it's BPD's turn.
BPD was lucky to land an exclusive interview with Dr. Robert Bruce Banner and his alter-ego, the Incredible Hulk. The upcoming film by Louis Leterrier stars Edward Norton as the gamma-irradiated scientist; Banner assented to doing publicity for the movie as "community service" for the recent World War Hulk debacle.
WYCKO, MN. - Citizens of this far-northern farming community were simultaneously proud and dismayed to find that a New God had chosen their home when it came his time to die. Identified as Stellar (a previously unknown and unworshipped New God), the dying super-entity's final words were (to paraphrase) "damn this sucks" and "dying... me! I'm a friggin' New God!"
DATELINE UNKNOWN - We here at BPD love a good rumor, and boy, did we hear one this week. Seems that long-bygone superhero the High (who reportedly imitated a bug on SkyWatch's "windshield" a few years ago) may not be as bygone as believed.
"I saw this... um, sort of glass tube," reported our source. "It was full of, of, red glop, I guess. Sorta made me nauseous looking at it, 'cause it was, uh, churning. If the paperwork was right, that's what the SkyWatch jockeys scooped up after he went splat. You ask me, wasn't nothing exactly dead in that glass tube."
What does it all mean? We have no idea, but we'll keep our ears open.
(P.S. We're only kidding about the Low--but wouldn't it be cool if the High had a thematic counterpart?)
NEW YORK CITY - Covering the latest crisis to afflict the Big Apple (and, okay, the rest of the world too), Bugles Planet Daily has found that most New Yorkers have largely ignored the invasion by waves of new-fangled Super-Skrulls and Skrull shock troops.
Lets get right to it. Finally. I don’t think that was loud enough. FINALLY! A comic book movie that is everything a comic book movie should be. The Iron Man biopic is sublime, made of awesome and so good you can taste it. Mmmm peaches…
In many circles I am known as a Superhero Movie Hater. Seriously. Check any episode of Fantastic Forum, or read my rants in this very publication and you will find me hating on films from Ghost Rider to Batman Begins to Superman Returns. Not today. Today I’ve got nothing but love. (If I see Jon Favreau on the streets I may lick him. It's that good..)
The film starts with the original origin, swapping Vietnam for Afghanistan (to keep things topical) and jumps right into the action. Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is kidnapped by a group of extremist who ultimately want him to build them a super weapon. Of course Stark has never been very good at doing what he’s told. With the help of fellow scientist and lifesaver, Yinsen, he builds the antithesis of a super weapon and launches a legend.
His escape is fantastic but by no means the best action in the film. The flight scenes will keep you grinning. The fights and suit will make you cheer. In a save-the-day face off, with one of his former captors, Iron Man uses all the tricks fans crave and tops it off with a turnabout that gives the power back to the people. Just wait. You’ll be applauding in the theater.
Balancing out the action is a liberal dose of comedy—the banter between Stark and Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), Stark and Rhodey (Terrence Howard) is whip-smart and dead funny. Stark himself is a strange brew of relentless, self-deprecating and arrogant that is hugely likable. He quips and whips his way through every problem with an aplomb that recalls all the things that made Iron Man great. Some of the funnier scenes feature Stark, two droids and Jarvis (voiced by Paul Bettany) as they work to perfect the suit. Look out for the fire extinguisher…
The script is tight. Everything has a purpose and ties in to the story in some way. The relationships are flawlessly revealed; needing only a single moment to solidify the lifelong friendship between Stark and Rhodes “How was the Fun Vee…?”, while slowly unveiling the complexity of the bond between he and Pepper. Let’s not forget about Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger. Villainous Goodness!
The casting is perfection.
Perhaps one of the best things about the film is the ‘fan appreciation’ mixing in some of the most beloved characters and setups from the entire history of, cad about town, Tony Stark. While there is some Retcontinence, allusions to War Machine and “ten rings” along with the appearance of Agent Phil Coulson of Strategic Homeland Intercession Elite Logistics Division (I hope I got it right) are the kind of nods to the fans that make us happy.
Finally, while I appreciate many Directors’ artistic goals in adding something of themselves to superhero stories. I’ve never understood the need to diverge into the unrecognizable. Often these Directors redesign the characters, both visually and in tone, to the point that they may as well be called Cat Chick, Batdude or Dare Demon. Jon Favreau on the other hand is a true comic book lover. He gets it. He put it on screen in all its glory and it worked far better than most of the Crow infused offerings of late.
Favreau and the writing team of Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Art Marcum & Matt Holloway are to be congratulated. They have created the perfect Superhero Biopic, combining the essence of the characters (this is Tony Stark), with stories inspired by the book; mixing in action, comedy, gorgeous graphics, a great script and fan appreciation. You couldn’t ask for much more.
Iron Man is everything a comic book movie should be. And to you, my friend, I say “Go Get Some!”
Much Better Versions of Modern Superheroes Crash in Savage Land
SAVAGE LAND - Both groups calling themselves Avengers got a nasty shock in the Savage Land last week as the investigation of a spaceship crash turned up something unimaginable. Roughly two dozen superheroes emerged from the wreck--except that these survivors seem to be a flashback to the recent past: all of them are "versions" of known superheroes from several years ago.
"It's like looking in my old photo album," said fugitive hero Spider-Man. "I mean, was I really that scrawny back in the day? Sheesh, no wonder Doc Ock used to kick my butt all the time."
Luke Cage (modern) said, "What kind of atrocious cliche is this? I never walked around saying 'Sweet Christmas'! Obviously this impostor knows nothing of my work."
Captain America (past) said, "We seem to have shown up at a bad time."
That may be the biggest understatement of the year, Cap. With the Skrulls having just taken out Iron Man (modern)... or have they?... as well as the Baxter Building, the SHIELD Helicarrier, the Raft, the Cube, and a bunch of other prominent superhero landmarks/facilities/headquarters, it seems that the arrival of a bunch of retrograde superheroes will only add to the confusion.
More news as it develops.
Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved
"...waiting for her to ‘get nekkid’ seemed like a good idea..."
BOSTON, MA – In a hastily organized press conference at Boston Mass General Hospital, Police spokesman, Brett Rogers gave details on a botched police operation:
Entertainment Reporter Kayode Kendall catches up with mega-mogul Tony Stark to talk the upcoming film and discover who's curtains match the carpet
KK: So Tony, how excited are you about your new Biopic coming out next month?
TS: It’s a lifelong dream to have my exploits immortalized on the silver screen. And I think we can all agree it’s about f—kin’ time. There’s a Man-Thing movie for cryin’ out loud.
KK: Yeah, that movie was pretty bad. But anyway, how involved were you in the filmmaking process? How did you feel about Jon Favreau directing?
TS: Swingers was, like, my favorite movie when it came out. I’ve loved the guy ever since. Plus we’ve become really good friends since filming started.
As for involvement, I could only be on set so much, what with my duties as director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and leader of the Mighty Avengers. Sometimes it’s like I’m in three different places at once!! But I gave the filmmakers as much access to the world of Iron Man as legally possible, and they were really responsive to my suggestions. I feel like they’ve done my story justice.
KK: How about the casting? I’m sure I can speak for a lot of fans who never thought Robert Downey Jr. would be considered for the role but were pleased with the selection just the same.
TS: I’ve got a lot of respect for RDJ. We’ve been down similar paths, faced similar demons, and ultimately became better people for it. We spent a lot of time together when he was cast, and he really showed a lot of commitment to playing me. Kind of like Jamie Foxx getting lifted to play Ray Charles! We wore old Iron Man suits together, went shopping at Sean John, traded stocks, entertained the ladies… *wink, wink* The whole nine yards.
Between us, the practical jokes were killer. Like when I borrowed the Elektra-Skrull corpse from Reed Richards, and laid it beside RDJ in bed one night! He literally crapped his pants when he woke up!! He was like “Oh, crap! It’s Weird Science all over again!” Ah, good times. But, once filming began, it was all business. He went all out with the method acting thing and it kind of brought a tear to my eye, seeing how perfectly he played me.
KK: And what about Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts?
TS: She’s a sweet lady and a consummate professional. I mean, the woman dyed her hair red *ahem* everywhere.
KK: Uh, everywhere? You got a picture?
TS: (flipping open his wallet to show he and Paltrow in the back seat of a cab) I was flattered. Even though I’m more of a ‘hardwood floors’ kind of guy.
KK: Interesting. So, are you worried about all the competition? There are several other movies chronicling the exploits of fellow Marvel heroes. The Incredible Hulk and Punisher will be out soon. Not to mention other heroes like The Dark Knight and Hellboy.
TS: *Laughing hysterically* The Punisher?!?! Even without the benefit of having known the man for years, most people can conclude he’s not terribly complex. But, for whatever reason, filmmakers seem enthralled by him. It’s kind of comical, he’s been featured in a handful of films and none of them are worth pigeon scat. Guess there’s just not much of an audience for muscle-bound dolts who shoot a lotta wiseguys for two hours.
As for everyone else, I’m not too worried. I’m offering moviegoers something brand new. They’ve seen all the other guys before. It’s my time to shine. I’m promising more action, drama, and humor than anything that’s come before! Did you see the freakin’ flying scene with and the F-18s?!? That’s actually ME up there! I did all the stunts myself! That’s commitment!
KK: Here’s a horn you can toot. Would you look at that – it says ‘bad mutha trucka’ on it. *sigh*
On a more personal note, do you have any plans to settle down? Any special woman in your life? I’m sure our female readers are dying to know.
TS: Oh, I know the score. They all just want me for my paper! Tell ya what, I’ll consider settling down when May Parker stays dead for more than a year!
Interview BY KAYODE KENDALL
WASHINGTON DC (EARTH 51) - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that continuing the morticoccus inoculation program (announced three weeks ago in BPD) would be "a waste of time."
Health Secretary G. Rimreeper said, in a press conference today, "We thought that an aggressive inoculation program would contain this 31st century sentient virus, but apparently we were wrong. Truth is, our best efforts are useless. However, we prefer to look on the bright side. Despite its name, morticoccus has not proven to be exceptionally lethal--only an estimated two out of five victims actually perish. The others may end up transformed through hybridization with animal DNA, but at least they're not dead!"
Taking in a press corps that had mostly turned into vultures, the sheep-like Rimreeper did not finish more than his opening statement before fleeing for his life. (Unsuccessfully.)
Rumors that an uncontaminated youth and his grandfather have taken refuge in a military bunker remain unconfirmed at press time. Additional rumors that Green Lantern fled Earth "like a little bee-yotch" (per extradimensional troublemaker Red Robin) are also unconfirmed-- some witnesses assert that he went into deep space to find a cure from more advanced alien sciences. The bad news: if Green Lantern was exposed to morticoccus, it is possible that many hundreds or thousands of alien worlds are now suffering exposure. Way to go, you idiot.
The pathetic remnants of civilization around the globe would like to thank the Challengers from Beyond for exposing us to this "smart bug" and wiping us out. We really didn't think the challenges of continued existence were for us anyway. But as a way to say goodbye, we're seeing if we can't get a cross-dimensional portal up and running-- we'd be happy to share our viral good fortune with lots and lots of other Earths. Preliminary work indicates a zombie world nearby...
Bugles Planet Daily is very pleased to welcome Jonathan Tipton-Clarke (aka Jonathan Hive or "Bugsy"), whose liveblogged “Hard Call” series for Dabel Worldwide Press has earned major journalistic attention. Jonathan is currently a participant in the AMERICAN HERO TV series.
Jonathan, welcome to BPD!
So how did you happen to cover this story? An outbreak of wild card virus seems like an uncommon event these days—what drew you to this story?
First off, there are wildcard outbreaks here and there all the time. They just don't usually get much press because we're kind of used to them. It's the same for any other disease. I mean, how many people died from the bubonic plague last year? I don't know, but I know that some of them did. Or polio. People still get polio. Christian scientists, for instance. Or those folks who think their kid would be better off dead than autistic. But that's a whole different rant.
But this particular story was just too juicy to pass up. Yes, it's got an outbreak, and that's a nice hook. But it's got this weird serial killer. It's got Croyd Crenson. I mean jeez. Croyd Crenson. That's like getting to do a story about John Dillinger.
Can you tell us about the people involved and what happened with them? We know this story continues to unfold but maybe you could give us some basics on who was caught up in this crisis, where it happened…?
That's another good angle. The original outbreak was at a high school in Colorado. The victims were taken to the Jokertown Clinic in Manhattan, because, dude, *of course* they were. The fact that their arrival coincided with the serial killer going into action and Croyd Crenson's re-emergence was happy coincidence. I get to say it's happy because I'm a journalist. We've got the only profession where you can have a good murder.
Is liveblogging the "next phase of journalism"? Do you foresee a time when Pulitzers will be awarded to bloggers?
More I see a time when Pulizers are old fashioned and irrelevant.
Being an ace yourself, were you concerned about the (very small) possibility of a secondary re-infection? It’s common knowledge that the wretched Snotman became the ace Reflector and the joker anarchist Gimli apparently died during the “Typhoid Croyd” event, so it can happen…
Ah. Huh. Yeah, I kind of forgot about that Typhoid Croyd thing. Hmm.
Well, it didn't bother me then. I'm kind of freaking out about it now though.
Did you find it hard to be among people who drew a Black Queen (died because of an unsurvivable wild card manifestation) or became jokers? You’re one of the lucky “one in a hundred” after all.
It's not like it's the first time I've been around jokers. It was harder for me dealing with the kids who'd just changed. I mean you go through life and day by day, you don't really think about the cost the wildcard has on people. And then I was right there with people who were just going through it. All the wounds were still raw. I mean, that's high school, right? But it reminded me of what it was like when I was that age. I had that kind of vicarious flashback to my own teen angst.
On the other hand, if I'd been blogging about a homecoming dance, it would probably have been worse.
Why do wild cards continue to fascinate the public, 60 years after Wild Card Day?
Because everyone wants to be an ace, and everyone's afraid they already are a joker. It's the literal incarnation of a normal human being's dearest hopes and deepest fears. You don't have to be a joker to hate your body. Being an ace or winning the lottery aren't the only ways to have power and be special, but they're visible and they don't require a lot of effort. And the Black Queen. Well, we're all born with a Black Queen, it just takes 80 or so years to express, right?
The world of journalistic blogging must be a fast-paced one. What other stories are you going to follow in future posts?
Depends on what happens, I guess. I was hoping to do a series of interviews with porn stars for Women's History Month, but Slate.com beat me to it. Seriously.
And… I hate to ask, Jonathan, but what’s Curveball really like?
You know when you were growing up, there was that girl who lived next door or just down the block or wherever? The one who was just like one of the guys, except everyone had a secret crush on her? Curveball's just like that. She isn't going to hook up with you either.
Thanks for taking our questions, guys. We want to wish you all the best on the “Hard Call” series! And an extra special thanks to Daniel Abraham, for putting us in touch with Bugsy--you're the best!
UPDATE! Images above provided
courtesy of Dabel Worldwide!
We don't normally do this at BPD but when we got the news—from a Disney intern no less—we just had to share it. Edgar Wright (director Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) and Bryan Lee O'Malley (creator Scott Pilgrim series) are no longer associated with the upcoming Scott Pilgrim film project. Taken over by Disney, the project is now entitled Scott Pilgrim Can’t Lose and will be directed by David S. Goyer from a screenplay by Akiva Goldsmith.
Shocking! but there's more. The cast will now be lead by Zac Efron as Scott, Ellen Page as Ramona, Brenda Song as Knives and Perez Hilton as Wallace (guess Disney's trying to capitalize on some pop culture cred). BPD can only quip ‘thank goodness for Knives and Flowers!’ The film will also feature several musical numbers written by Panic At The Disco with choreography by Paula Abdul.
We’ll keep you abreast as we get more intel from our inside source...
STORY REPORTED AS TOLD TO SHERIN NICOLE & KAT BITTNER
SUPER POWERED NEWS BITES
Batman Secret Identity Hoax
A recent media frenzy speculated a note (sprawled on a Gotham City mailbox) had revealed Batman's secret identity. That of billionaire Bruce Wayne. This week BPD has discovered a much less interesting though more insidious truth: America has punctuation issues.
Calvin Hogdutter just wanted to share a "goofy idea I'd gotten" with a friend who wasn't home at the time. "I just couldn't wait," said the cum laude grad, "so I wrote it on the mailbox. Who knew a comma changes the meaning of a sentence?!"
As in their mutual friend Wayne Peterson
of 1221 Lovecraft St, West Gotham.
Sadly, this information has also proven erroneous.
Comic Book Brain Trust!
Three Great Comics Bloggers!
One Big Mouth Chicks!
and A Dancing Robot!
See members of the BPD Crew, live!
(and be on the lookout for a BPD Newscast coming soon)
FOR MORE VISIT DCFANTASTICFORUM.COM
(forgive me for being a bit of a jerk in the beginning. I was having a realityTV moment)
BUGLES PLANET DAILY is proud to bring you a "behind the scenes" interview with John Fortune (JF), Sam Washburn (SW) and Michael Vogali (DB). All three men are part of AMERICAN HERO, the first reality show to feature aces and jokers; John and Sam are literally behind the scenes, while Michael is a contestant.
Who will be the first American Hero? Well, we don't answer that here, but we have lots of interesting stuff below!
First, let’s find out who you are. How are you associated with AMERICAN HERO?
JF: Hi. My name is John Fortune. Peregrine, that is, my mother’s production company, is doing the show. I’m an assistant, liaisoning with the contestants.
DB: Me? I’m [bleep]ing Michael Vogali of [rock band] the Joker Plague. You can call me Michael, you can call me DB. Just don’t call me that other name -- the one they’re using on the show.
SW: I’m Sam Washburn, aka Swash or “His Nibs.” I’m production artist for the show. I’ve done a lot of logos and graphics and the T-shirts and coffee cup designs, plus some illustrations for the website. I’m a fairly well established artist and graphic designer, and an ace myself. Topper recommended me for the gig.
The auditions for the show seem to have been pretty intense. What’s your favorite moment from these tryouts… and what bits never made it to broadcast?
SW: Well, the show’s still running, so it’s more a case of “haven’t been broadcast yet.” There’s reels of footage, and every time someone gets eliminated, they’ve been going back to the original tryouts to show scenes of the contestants that they didn’t have space for in the first episode.
But without spoiling anything, I think my favorite moment has to be Dragon Huntress’s try-out. One moment she’s got this tiny toy, next moment BAM! This huge dragon. Startled me so much my fingers shot ink all over the page, but that’s what you call getting the creative juices flowing. I’ve got pages of that damn dragon.
JF: Boy, that’s hard to pick. There were so many great moments. Unfortunately, due to, um, time constraints and, um, such things, not all tryouts could be shown on television. There was Simoon’s tryout where, you know, her power is to turn into a living dust devil, but of course when she, ah, re-solidifies she doesn’t have any clothes, and the cameras – um, well, maybe we better not get too deeply into that.
DB: What audition? The auditions were a [bleep]ing joke -- our manager, K.A. Cohen, had already made arrangements for me to be on the show before the auditions even started.
As for the rest of the crew -- I never watched any of the auditions, so I have no opinion at all.
Do you feel sorry for the failed or discarded wild carders? I mean, some of them really tried hard… some of the Confessionals are very touching, even emotional.
DB: Sorry for what? For taking part in staged ‘challenges’ that didn’t mean anything to anyone, that didn’t show heroism, that weren’t about anything real, where everyone -- well, most everyone; the ones of us who have genuine abilities -- had to hold back on to make sure we actually didn’t hurt anyone? Why should anyone even [bleep]ing care?It’s a game. Period.
It’s no worse than losing at Monopoly.
SW: I feel sorry for a lot of them. I mean, drawing your wild card, it’s like Yay! Not dead! Yay, kewl power on top of it! Even if it’s something like fountain pen fingernails. Then a week later it’s Damn, still broke and everyone’s looking at you funny because you’re an ace and aren’t you supposed to be rolling in money? Plus you’ve got all sorts of troubles most people don’t even think about, especially insurance. I mean, slamming my tail in a door is not a “Pre-existing medical condition.”
I think the one who understands that most is Bugsy–Jonathan Hive–who’s got a really cool blog, but he’s not going to get the exposure like he would if he stayed to the end of the show. And that really sucks.
JF: (Shrugs) I don’t particularly care for the game-playing myself, bu, you know, the people who go on the show do so for different motives which we can’t really control. Some are very sincere. Others have more, um, complex, motivations. It takes all kinds to make a good television show.
Are the contests fair? Seems a bit harsh to throw Golden Boy at a bunch of rookies! SW: Well, you know, Golden Boy was a rookie once too. But I think the contests are as fair as they can make them. I mean the writers–all reality shows have writers–are always sitting around, talking about this contestant and this power and what will be a challenge for them and what will be a cakewalk.
There was a lot of talk initially of having Golden Boy go up against the Spades, because there were good odds of Rosa Loteria taking him out with a lucky draw, but they finally decided what would make the best television and also settle a question would be to see whether Bubbles bubbles were stronger than Golden Boy’s shield.
They weren’t, but it was a close thing, and remember, she’s just learning how to use her power.
DB: Duh. There wasn’t any ‘fairness’ in this at all. The producers knew who they wanted to be their American Hero -- or at least they knew who they wanted the finalists to be -- and they made damned sure that’s who got there. Right: throw three genuine aces at three teams, and then use a [bleep]ing stage musician with no ace skills whatsoever at the fourth. And they were still so lame they couldn’t beat the idiot.
Fairness? Life ain’t fair, either, but at least life ain’t rigged.
JF: Fair? Sure. Of course.
Do you have a favorite contestant? Maybe… a least-favorite contestant?
JF: Well, I shouldn’t take sides. Curveball is very...nice...
DB: Other than myself, you mean? Kate [aka Curveball]. Kate deserved to win the whole thing, and she should have.
SW: A favorite? Probably Tiffani. She’s very pretty and she’s fun to draw–diamonds have all these amazing refractions, so drawing her is like drawing tiny rainbows–and she really needs the money. I’ve met homeless jokers who weren’t that poor, and she’s going to be sharing whatever she wins with her family.
Least favorite? DB. He didn’t try out for the show, he was cast by his agent, and that isn’t fair to everyone else, especially people like Tiffani. But more than that, he’s talked all sorts of smack about my brother and his band, and I’m sorry, the Joker Plague is good, but they wouldn’t be where they are today if The Jokertown Boys hadn’t been there first.
What is Peregrine like out of the klieg lights? And is Digger that rough-edged in real life?
SW: Peregrine’s really nice, and she’s that funny in real life–it’s not just her writers feeding her lines. She’s the best thing that happened to jokers rights ever, and an incredibly savvy businesswoman too. Well, okay, her magazine flopped, but her power is flight, not predicting the future.
Digger? He’s...well, if you think he’s rough on the air, wait till you see his notes on possible logo designs. If he ever draws a wild card, it’ll probably to make Post-its that catch fire after you read them.
JF: Like any Mom who happens to be a gorgeous, multiple-award winning celebrity. (Shrugs) I grew up with it. I guess I’m used to seeing all those Emmys lined up in a row at the Malibu beach house.Digger is...unique. He and my mother go back a long way. My step-dad broke his nose, once.
DB: Outside the stage lights, Peregrine’s an old lady. You should see her in the sunlight, where you can see all the lines even past the facelifts and plastic surgery. And she’s hard as nails, too.
Downs? Yeah, he’s a [bleep]ing [bleep]hole no matter which side of the camera he’s on.
Help us understand the public fascination with wild carders. Why are we crazy about aces and jokers?
JF: Because, there but for the grace of God go you or I. I know.
SW: I guess it’s because people are always fascinated by the exotic, the extraordinary and the lucky, and that’s what every ace and joker is.
Don’t get me wrong, I know jokers who’ve been horribly crippled by the wild card, but the most crippled person I’ve ever met was a nat with cerebral palsy, and it’s hard for even the most whacked-out joker separatist to look at someone like that and not realize that whatever’s happened to them, they’re still luckier than that. And even a crippled nat is still luckier than the people who drew the black queen, like my parents.
DB: Guilt. Because you weren’t infected, and we were. Pure and simple. Cheering the aces makes you feel better about thinking “I’m so [bleep]ing glad I don’t have the virus, because I don’t want to die horribly or be turned into some horrible monster.” ‘Cause that’s what all you nats are thinking.
And you’re right.
What’s the best bit of gossip or favorite wacky theory you’ve heard kicked around? (My favorite is that Dr. Tod was working for the US government.)
DB: Look, gossip is garbage, and if that’s important to you, then this rag of yours is pretty much garbage too. Get a [bleep]ing life.
JF: I’ve heard it all. That Tachyon was working for the U.S. government, that he was a Russian spy – I mean, how crazy is that? Even that the Takisians are really Nazis who came from the Earth’s core. (Shakes his head)
SW: That’s wacky? I heard that all the time growing up in Jokertown. Lots of people think he still is, but he got jumped into a new body during the Rox war.
The craziest you regularly hear is that whenever some joker goes missing and they don’t find the body, people say they were spirited away to live with Bloat in a magical land filled with cake and ice cream. Or if there’s something really crazy, that it’s just a mental projection of Bloat.
Currently they’re saying that about the mayor’s budget.
Is the second season already in development? We hear ratings have been pretty solid…
JF: Oh, yes. Teams will soon be crisscrossing America, looking for the next edition of the American Hero.
DB: Sure, the second season will go on. With even more lame aces, too, since they’ve already picked the cream of the crop. They’ll let this [bleep] run as long as it makes money -- that’s what’s it’s all about in Hollyweird. Cash. The bottom line. That’s all the ratings mean: you’re making money or you’re not.
SW: Everything’s already in development. This is Hollywood. But yeah, ratings have been pretty good, which is great.
It’s been more than 61 years since Wild Card Day. Have you ever speculated about how the world might have turned out without the wild card?
DB: A hell of a lot less interesting. But probably no better -- we’ve been good at [bleep]ing each other over since long before the Wild Card. This just gives us another excuse.
SW: What, you mean like the Harry Turtledove alternate history novels? Or the Takisian Regency books, with Dr. Tachyon having an affair with Jane Austen?
But honestly, everyone knows how the world would have turned out without the wild card–we would have been eaten by the Swarm when they invaded.
Sure, I think we all would have loved if the Takisians had done better product testing, but it’s like drawing your wild card–getting something other than a black queen is a good thing. Earth–not dead. Yay!
JF: We’ve survived the wild card so far, we probably would have survived without it...though I’m sure that the world would have been a lot less colorful a place.
Lastly, any speculation on public figures who are hidden aces? I’ve got a bet riding on a certain big-name movie star being an unsuspected ace.
DB: God, you’re really stuck on this crap, aren’t you? Who the [bleep] cares? So someone wants to keep their power a secret so [bleep]holes like you don’t go bothering them with stupid [bleep] questions and shoving cameras in their faces.
Sometimes I wish I could be a hidden ace. I wish I could pass as normal -- and if I could, I’d damned well keep it a secret too. I say good for them if they’re still in the deck.
JF: I don’t speculate on things like that. I try to let people have as much privacy as they want.
SW: Unexpected? Everyone who looks at Vin Diesel knows that nats don’t get muscles that big naturally, though I’d call him more of a deuce or reverse joker, but so what? He’s a fun action star.
And I know she tested negative for the wild card, but if you’ve studied bone structure, you can tell that Paris Hilton has some Takisian blood. Maybe she’s not Tachyon’s direct love child, but if Takisians were coming here during the Regency? Oh yeah.
She’s definitely using mind control to get people that obsessed with her.
Thanks, and we’ll keep watching AMERICAN HERO!
DB: That, my friend, just shows you’re a loser. But hey, you’re welcome.
BUGLES PLANET DAILY would like to thank John Jos. Miller, S.L. Farrell and Kevin Andrew Murphy for making this interview happen.
APOKOLIPS - Local gambling dens are gloomy over the protracted existence of James B. Olsen of Metropolis, Earth. Oddsmakers put the redhead's chances of survival at 500-1 last year, but now are lucky to take action at 3-2.
NEW YORK CITY - Local authorities today confirmed that the species lupus majorus malificus (aka Big Bad Wolf) remains on the endangered species list.
"We've heard around town that the wolves just aren't making the scene the way they used to," said Animal Control Commissioner Frederick B. Avery. "Used to be you could see whole packs of them at '21' and ritzy joints all over Manhattan. Could be the smoking ban in restaurants is what drove 'em out to the boroughs."
The effects on the ecology of Manhattan nightlife could not be estimated by Avery.
"It's a shame, y'know. These guys try sweet-talkin' the singers and dancers and boom! Blows up in their faces. It ain't easy bein' a wolf in New York," Avery said. "Maybe opening up a new hot club or fancy restaurant will bring 'em out, but I dunno."
Artwork copyright MGM Studios, all rights reserved
LOCATION CLASSIFIED - In a rare chat with BPD reporters, Bruce Banner today said, "I didn't think the war would end the way it did."
You've been watching the contest for months-- now find out some juicy info from the folks behind the scenes at AMERICAN HERO! BPD has interviews on the way with Jonathan (Bugsy) Hive, blogger and living wasp-swarm, and Drummer Boy, lead singer/percussionist of Joker Plague.
It's one of our best and biggest interviews yet-- so stay tuned!
A Public Health Service Announcement from Your Friends at BPD!
Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved
SALEM CENTER, N.Y. - Professor Charles Xavier, headmaster and public spokesman of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, as well as the sponsor of several teams of X-Men, has been shot and is in critical condition.