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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 23, 2007

"Death's Kind Of Alright" Says Ted Kord

SALEM, MASSACHUSETTS - Ted Kord, former head of Kord Industries and former Justice Leaguer, stopped by Dr. Fate's Salem headquarters for a brief visit and shared with The Bugle's Planet a bit about his time in the after-life.

"Look at these abs! I'm ripped up here," exclaimed Ted Kord, the former Blue Beetle.

"Seriously, I haven't had to do a sit-up in what feels like an eternity! Kyle Rayner's girlfriend, Alex, came by yesterday and did her laundry on my stomach. It was kinda cool.

"I mean, it's been great. I re-invent the wheel, like, twice a day up here. There's no pain. No hunger and between you and me... you can totally not poop if you don't want to."

When asked about the thing that surprised him most about life after death, his answer was surprising.

"Geez... it's... well... just how many of my friends have started to join me.

"Animal Man visited for like half-a-second a few weeks back."

"Rocket Red. Ralph & Sue. I mean, it's nice to be able to hang out with them again and all but... I mean, I'm not ungrateful, I appreciate all of the newfound respect I've gotten after being shot in the head but that isn't what I'd want for them.

"I mean, you shouldn't have to die in order to get noticed. Does that make any sense?

"Listen, I've gotta go. It's Trivia Night at the ice cream shop and Jade's hosting and *heh* she's kinda cute. That Kyle guy is, like... Heaven's main supplier of hot chicks.

"I heard his mom just got here."

1 comment:

Christopher said...

"That Kyle guy is, like... Heaven's main supplier of hot chicks."

oh my god. I just about died laughing!!