This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 2, 2007

Dark Knight Disappears While Investigating Bee Deaths

The legendary Guardian of Gotham, Batman, has disappeared suddenly while investigating the cause behind the collapse of honeybee colonies the world over.

The continuing deaths of millions of honeybees around the world has baffled scientists of all stripes. Some say it's due to pesticides. Others theorize it's due to genetically engineered crops, fungi, or even cellphone radiation. Whatever the case, with world authorities are at a loss, the only solution was to turn to the Dark Night Detective.

Already concerned that the bee deaths might be part of the Amazons' plot to conquer humanity through collapse of our ecosystem, Batman is rumored to have tracked the culprits behind the bee deaths to an Amazon island colony called Summerisle. In his last dispatch to the Justice League, Batman said:

"I'm investigating using the identity of a policeman looking for his daughter. Name is Edward Malus. Do not break radio silence unless I contact you. And make sure to keep bee sting remedies ready."

Since that last transmission, neither the Justice League nor the Gotham Police Department has heard anything from the legendary detective. Neither was available for comment.

However, the Bugle's Planet Daily has obtained footage purporting to be a videotaped record of Batman's exploits on the island in case he was harmed or killed. The tape is grainy and clearly edited, but appears to show Batman engaged in increasingly erratic behavior before apparently being sacrificed by the Amazons to ensure their victory.

We warn you that the following footage is extremely graphic, and may not be suitable for children:

Bugle's Planet Daily is currently investigating the veracity of this new information, and we will keep you posted with any breaking new developments.

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