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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 20, 2007

Tim Hunter and Harry Potter: Separated at Birth?

BUGLE'S PLANET HQ - Following the surprise reunion of two Ecuadoran twins separated at birth, speculation rises as to the existence of other twins who now lead separate, but parallel lives.


One such possibility, though rarely discussed by the highly partisan fans of each, are Harry Potter and Tim Hunter.

Potter biographer J.K. Rowling denies any bio-magical connections between the two teenagers. "It's absurd," she said in a recent press conference. "Harry and Tim are simply two boys with an astounding number of entirely coincidental similarities. If you wander the streets of London, they're ten a shilling, really. Simply thousands just like Harry turn up whenever I do a signing!"

Neil Gaiman, Hunter's first and perhaps best-known biographer, supports Rowling's claim. "Tim's phantasmagorical story was told to the world in terms most trepidacious and ectotherical some time before Harry's, but there's nothing to suggest that Harry adopted--via osmotic phylotransferential means or a compunctilious infelicity-- any mannerisms or what-not because of Tim. So far as I'm concerned, they are twin boys of different parents."

An additional complication is that Tim and Harry have never been seen together, even though they both live in or near London. Some sorcery experts believe that they may, in fact, be the same person albeit from parallel worlds, though both Gaiman and Rowling reject this hypothesis out of hand.

"How could you prove such an inelliptic and blatantly counterintuitive assertion short of a DNA test? It smacks of Procrustean thus-and-so, if you ask me," Gaiman said. Rowling agreed. "I've only known Harry to be a resident of this world. Tim's the one who goes gallivanting off to Faerie and has Titania for a mother."

Neither Harry nor Tim agreed to an interview for this article, but Harry was heard to say in the Gryffindor dorm, "Please, I'm a jock! I play Quidditch and maintain a solid B- grade point average here at Hogwarts. Tim's the one hanging with those shady East End conjurors like Constantine and flunking out of school. I don't choose to judge a bloke by the company he keeps but... please. You wouldn't see me in Diagon Alley drinking pumpkin juice with any of them. And besides, I have a much better arch-nemesis." (BPD thanks N.L. for providing quotes.)

BREAKING NEWS!
An intrepid BPD reporter broke the following just this evening:

"When asked to respond, Hunter quipped: "Pumpkin juice...why the ^%*& would I want drink pumpkin juice? Hey, I've got to go... got a pub crawl planned with Constantine, Zee, Molly and a few other blokes. We're going to try to hit up the same 10 pubs in all 52 universes. After that, maybe I'll head back to Faerie and stir up things all over again."

"Hunter finished by mentioning that if he ever did find the universe in which the clone named Potter had squirreled himself away, he would go and take care of that 'annoying sounding git' troubling Potter. "No one messes with me or any version of me that might exist out there in the multiverse."

"With that, Hunter wandered off muttering something about someone named "the other." It was not until he had left that this reporter realized that Hunter had left without paying his bill."

Thanks to WTDG for this late-breaking news!

Harry Potter artwork by Mary GrandPre, copyright Scholastic Inc., all rights reserved
Tim Hunter artwork by John Bolton, copyright Vertigo/DC Comics Inc., all rights reserved

3 comments:

Walking through Destinys Garden said...

"I don't choose to judge a bloke by the company he keeps but... please. You wouldn't see me in Diagon Alley drinking pumpkin juice with any of them."


When asked to respond Hunter quipped: "Pumpkin juice...what the ^%*& would I want to be drinking pumpkin juice for?" "In any case," Hunter continued "I've got to go, got a pup crawl planned with Constantine, Zee, Molly and a few other bloaks. We're going to try to hit up the same 10 pubs in all 52 universes."

Hunter finished by mentioning that if he ever did find the universe in which the clone named Potter had squirled himself away into, he would go and take care of that "annoying sounding git" that was troubling Potter. "no-one messes with me...or any version of myself that might exist out there in the multiverse."

With that Hunter wandered off muttering something about someone named "the other." It was not until he had left that this reporter realized that Hunter had left without paying his bill.

katbitt said...

Excellent late breaking news reporting!

Walking through Destinys Garden said...

This reporter thanks you