This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 27, 2007

Seven Evil Ex-Boyfriends of Ramona Flowers (SEERFU) Form a Union

CANADA - Breaking news from our Senior Foreign Correspondent Kat Bittner: the Seven Evil Ex-Boyfriends of Ramona Flowers (SEERFU) have formed a non-profit association pursuant to the laws of Canada against being converted into illegal power-ups (or worse bus fare).

The provision of benefits to union members provide an eclectic range of services. The first level is focused on defensive training such as skateboard proficiency, bass battle techniques, and mystic choreography. Members also have the option of attending Vegan Academy.

By engaging in collective bargaining and with these negotiations they have been able to keep personal ratings at a level of awesome.

"The League is very organized," Lucas Lee Evil Boyfriend #2 "We'd have to be able to keep up with all the new suitors Ramona gets. The tricky part is figuring out whether she's really into them or not." However Lee declined to divulge the classified info saying it breeched union security.

When asked exactly what the union stood for, the three 'Ramona Evil Ex-Boyfriends' contacted for this article could not reach a consensus. The president of the SEERFU, Gideon was unavailable for interview, but his lawyer did e-mail this statement:

"You're my bitch now Scott. Wallace has nothing on you-"


Scott unceremoniously deletes Gideon's e-mail. Sherin holds Kat back from strangling his Canadian neck.

"He's more boring than Patel," Scott shrugs.

Luckily, the union is not entirely comprised of 'weak sauce' R-Flow junkies still jonesing for past the expiration date lovin'.

"Most of us has moved on except for Patel. He's still not willing to let her go and he had just one kiss. How John Hughes is that? She's a messenger for Amazon Canada with uncomfortable shoes. Don't you need comfort when you're on the move?

I mean she's not as hot as she used to be. Remember the computer chick from Weird Science? She went from hottie to heifer. That's the route Ramona's going if she doesn't lay off the Hot Pockets. Should eat more vegetarian food," relayed an Evil Ex-boyfriend under condition of anonymity.

"It's all a matter of pride," claims Knives Cho Scott's waifish ex-girlfriend. "She fights like a cow and she thinks she's so cool because she's from New York City."

Knives is currently pursuing forming a non-profit of her own, Lovers of Scott Pilgrim (LSP).

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