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Jul 9, 2007

X-Men Admit Mutant Persecution Overstated

SALEM CENTER - Cyclops, leader of the mutant heroes known as the X-Men, said that mutant persecution appears to be receding in recent months. "We used to get an average of sixty or seventy death threats a month," the monocular hero said, "but now it's down to only fifteen or so diehards. We're not getting pelted with eggs when we march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade any more, and believe me, half-dried egg is nasty stuff. I'd rather have Toad spit on me than clean that off!"

The X-Men founding member agreed that mutant hate crime is largely a bygone phenomenon. "We had a lot of attention last year, when they put Sentinels around our school, but really--it's not as big a deal as some people think," he said. "Mutants aren't the most loved minority group out there, but it's not like we're illegal aliens! We've come a long way; we can even buy homes in upper class neighborhoods now.

"Back in the day, when the five of us original X-Men were just kids, we had to come to grips with being a group 'hated and feared by those we protect,'" Cyclops added. "That was then and this is now. Sure, we had our share of hatred and distrust thrown at us, but heck--who hasn't? Spider-Man's got it way worse than we do! And have you seen the Avengers lately? Who trusts them? I wouldn't trust Iron Man as far as my optic blast could send him."

In related news, the NAACP is filing suit in New York Superior Court to enjoin the newly-formed National Association for the Advancement of Mutated People from operating under that name. Bishop, once associated with the X-Men, said, "This is not the right way to go with this new civil rights group. We should forge our own identity, not trade on the name recognition of an older and well-established advocacy group."

NAAMP replaces MONSTER (Mutants Only Need Sympathy, Tolerance and Equal Rights), established by Dr. Henry McCoy (aka Beast) following the death of mutant pianist Adrian Leverkuhn Castorp; this organization waged a quiet campaign for equal rights for mutantkind but saw contributions and fundraising fall in recent years.

X-Men artwork by Jim Lee and Jack Kirby, copyright Marvel Comics

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