This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 18, 2007

Superhero Dust-up On Springer

CHICAGO - A routine episode of 'The Jerry Springer Show" erupted into unroutine super violence as the usually collected superheroine Black Canary, of the Justice League of America, traded blows (plus sonic cries and bowshafts) with the mysterious assassin Shado. At the center of the confrontation? A paternity test naming former Justice Leaguer Green Arrow as the father of Shado's illegitimate son.

"I was blindsided!" exclaimed Black Canary after the tapping. "I thought we—GA and I—were here to talk about our engagement. Then she pops out of nowhere saying GA's the father of her kid. I don't know what kind of show Mr. Springer is running, but no one wants to put their personal business on national television."

Green Arrow, known for his many impromptu speeches and public outcries, was uncharacteristically silent after Shado's announcement. "After Shado implied Black Canary was sterile, I knew it was on. Best to just back away and let the ladies work out their aggressions." GA managed to get Springer and the security team away from the stage before anyone was hurt in the brawl.

Lashonqua Dinkins was in the audience when the brawl took place. "That first lady, she was a'ight. But that skinny b*tch with the bent stick, was all like, 'He need me, we understand each uver,' and that when the first lady was fi' to blow."

Black Canary apologized after the incident and the JLA paid for the damage done to the studio. "I did not appreciate the producers' methods, but I lost my temper. We all have to take responsibility for our actions. I should have just left, but that b*tch was asking for it."

Springer was unfazed by the whole altercation. "People are people, not what they choose to wear. In any given situation, most people are likely to react impulsively, and well, that's what makes the show. Besides, " Springer gave a slight grin, "we get so many people claiming Green Arrow's their baby's father, we had to have him on the show."

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