This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 6, 2007

Leader-1 Update: "I'm A %$#in' Mini-Con!"

After down-on-his-luck GoBot Leader-1 failed to sell his movie script in hopes of upending the massive Transformers comeback, the embittered former Guardian was forced to make ends meet by any means necessary.

Kids' birthday parties. Posing as an amusement park ride. Late-night cable access. Selling his own body for scrap parts. And now, as Bugle's Planet Daily reports, poor Leader-1 has suffered the final indignity...being reduced to a glorified battery as a Mini-Con for Megatron.

"This completely stinks," Leader-1 told Bugle's Planet Daily. "Look at me! I used to be a fighter jet. I had my own team, my own television show, and now what? I'm the freaking robotic equivalent of Viagra for a tyrant."

When asked if he had any other opportunities and why he let himself be used by Megatron, Leader-1 sighed. "Opportunities? I don't even have a MOUTH, let alone opportunities. This is it. The big junkyard in the sky for me. Nowhere else to go but way down."

Megatron's voice suddenly boomed "LEADER-1! TO MY SIDE, YOU MISERABLE MECHANICAL MORON!", and the ex-GoBot-turned-MiniCon sighed with resignation and trotted off. A sad end, and a cautionary tale for us all.

Scooter, currently rumored to be racing cars Tokyo drift-style in Japan, was unavailable for comment.

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