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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 9, 2007

Joker: "I'm Really Not That Funny"

GOTHAM CITY - In a stunning admission, famed supervillain the Joker admitted, "The truth is, despite this big perma-grin, I'm really not that funny."

During a rare Arkham Asylum interview with Bugle's Planet reporters, the Batman's foremost foe said, "I've never been good with witty banter and repartee. Honest, I have to work for a couple of hours before fighting Bats just to have a couple decent one-liners. God bless her, but Harley couldn't write a good joke to save her life--no matter how often I threaten her with a blowtorch and Jokerfish. Then again, she just threatens me right back with a howitzer and a nitroglycerin-filled boxing glove, so I guess that's a creative stalemate right there.

"I'm much more of a prop comic than a joke-teller, as I think my career shows. Seriously, do you recall a single funny thing I've ever said? Something that wasn't some twisted double-entendre, I mean. No, don't back away like that--I really want an answer! I'm not going to go all Joe Pesci 'Goodfellas' on... oh maybe I would at that. Fine, be that way. But you're off my Nice list," he muttered, yellow eyes glittering.

The Joker's career includes approximately 640 murders (with attempts numbering in the low millions, given more than one blackmail attempt involving mass murder), dozens of escapes from Arkham, a similar number of lengthy stays in the hospital, and a long-standing relationship with fellow criminal psychopath Harley Quinn. After what seems like decades fighting Batman, often to a standstill but more often to ignominious defeat, Joker said that it may be time to stop and smell the roses.

"Oh, I know what you're thinking. Once a homicidal maniac, always a homicidal maniac, but it may be the right time to reevaluate my life," he said. "Maybe I'll hit the road and try out some new material. Real comedians do that. Maybe I can too. I hear Metropolis is nice this time of year..." He chuckled madly as this interviewer was escorted out--and then called for protective services.

Joker/Countdown 50 cover by Andy Kubert, all rights DC Comics

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