This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jul 13, 2007

Ask The Question!

Dear Question:
I'm hearing strange rumblings late at night beneath my Gotham brownstone. Do you think I should invest in earthquake insurance or is my home built on top of the Batcave?
-signed, Concerned

Dear Concerned,
I've checked your foundation and basement. It appears that there was some supervillain activity recently--drilling into a bank two blocks from your address, which I have forwarded to the GCPD for further investigation.

I have also forwarded the IRS evidence that you are withholding a considerable sum of money, which is stashed in a fireproof box behind your freezer. You should have filed an amended return when you got that windfall last October. Do not try to hide the evidence--I have taken some effort to secure the crime scene until investigators arrive and confirm the box's contents.

If anything were to happen to that evidence, rest assured I have Batman's email address.

Earthquake insurance might be unwarranted at this time but that might be the least of your problems...

Dear Mr. Question,
Is corruption in Hub City really as bad as they say?
I worry about things like that and I'm only 12!
-A Young Citizen

Dear Concerned,
I find it highly suspicious that a 12 year old would worry about political corruption in Hub City.

Upon investigating further, I find that you are in fact 13, a child genius and enrolled in a course of graduate level political science studies in Hub City. Perhaps you ask your question only because you want a response from an extralegal operative such as myself, perhaps you wish to elicit some words against the current regime. Perhaps you are truly concerned.

Crime is crime, wherever it is found, on the streets or in City Hall. Continue with your studies and know that I'll be keeping an eye on you. And you're old enough to sleep without a nightlight.

Dear "the Question",
Is my husband cheating on me?
-A Restless Housewife

Dear Restless,
No. But you should stop visiting a certain website. You know the one I mean.

Do YOU have something to "Ask The Question"? Send in your queries by posting a comment! We can't guarantee the Question will reply, um, as you might prefer, but... what do you have to lose?

Question artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved


Rorschach Lives said...

Dear Question,
I question the answer. And what about those aglets? Watched you last night at the corner of 33rd and A Fourth. Didn't recognize me. Loosing your touch...

Anonymous said...

Keeping an eye on the aglets. Suspect link with Consolidated [redacted]-- you know the cabal I mean.
Saw you at 33rd. You spotted my decoy. Wasn't wearing my work clothes, but my protege was.
Sloppy, R...

Rorschach Lives said...


Played well but a step behind.

Dismissed the decoy immediately. Followed you. Should've looked up. Would've smelled the beans.

Consolidated, hmmm? Thought nobody cared but me.

Welcome back on the board.

Be seeing you.

Anonymous said...

Indeed... :)

Raikaze Sakura said...

Dear Question,

My recently deceased father left me a large trust in his will with the corollary that I use the fund to the "benefit of mankind." After much consideration, I've decided I would like to develop a superhero team led by Jessica Drew, Spider-Woman. Do you have her contact information, by chance?

Anonymous said...

Keep an eye on this space.
Your question has been received.

Bourgeois Guilt said...

What charity should I donate to?

Broomstick Thunder said...

I recently learned that my recitation of a word, multiple times, caused an evil force to torture one of my best friends. I killed the bastard, but now she barely speaks to me and I think she's started messing around with my best friend. What can I do?

Ralph Wiggum said...

haha you have no face! i ated the purple berries and my cats breath smells like cat food. mine tastes like glue. my name is in a movie!!!

Green Durby said...

Since you are absurdly obliged to answer the questions posted here, riddle me this: WHO IS THE QUESTION?

And WHEN DID YOU HAVE A SEX CHANGE OPERATION? Dude, I thought you were a woman now.

Anonymous said...

Your questions have been received.
Keep an eye on this space; you know I will be...