This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Apr 23, 2008

RetCon Wars: Continuity Conflict

SUICIDE SLUM - One fateful night, while evading Jack of the Royal Flush Gang, (and tossing a marked deck into the sewer) this reporter stumbled onto an unprecedented scene. A space-time rift opened, blue-white light shining from a vortex seven feet high. From the rift came a red-haired man dressed in a gray prison jumpsuit. He barely had a second to compose himself before another, heavier, balder man appeared wearing a fine Armani suit.

"Hey, I'm free," the redhead exclaimed. "The dimensional ripper I made in the prison science lab worked!" The well dressed man jerked the other around, yelling, "What's the meaning of this, convict? I was in the middle of "acquiring" a new firm before I was yanked from the water boarding. You shall have two minutes before I have you liquidated."

Standing face-to-face underneath a lamppost, the two men seemed to notice the same thing I did. Besides the extra pounds and years on the tailored suit man, they were the same man. "You idiot! Your "ripper" pulled us both into yet another dimension." The red-haired man sent his older self flying with a right cross. "Don't matter to me; I'm still out of prison." He moved in to repeatedly kick the older man in the ribs. "No one cages Alexei Luthor!"

A shot rang out and the red haired man crumpled. A man stepped out of the darkness and shot the fatter man while he was still cringing on the ground. "Never know when you will need a corpse of yourself," he commented seemingly to himself, whipping out two bodybags from a satchel. "I suggest you leave, young man. Jack and Ace are just around the corner."

I can't say for certain which Lex Luthor (Forbes ranked) walked out of the alley that night, but I'll be skeptical of any news of Luthor's demise from now on.

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