This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Apr 23, 2008

INS Fails To Deport Wonder Woman

"...waiting for her to ‘get nekkid’ seemed like a good idea..."

BOSTON, MA – In a hastily organized press conference at Boston Mass General Hospital, Police spokesman, Brett Rogers gave details on a botched police operation:

"As part of the ongoing efforts to enforce tougher immigration controls among the US Meta-human community, The White House issued a deportation order for the superhero known as Wonder Woman. Apparently this menace has illegally resided in the US on an expired educational Visa since the mid 80’s.”

The Department of Homeland Security has also accused the longtime Justice League member of possessing a ‘weapon of mass destruction’ namely herself.

It was decided the deportation order would be enforced by a task force comprised of Immigration Naturalization Services (INS) agents, Boston PD SWAT and Homeland Security officers. The team converged on the home of a known associate of the suspect, Air Force LT Etta Candy Trevor.

“We’d received intelligence that the accused would occasionally visit the Trevor Household for an early morning shower,” said Rogers.

"According to the Lieutenant commanding the raid, the go ahead was given upon confirmation the Perp had entered the lavatory and disrobed. The Perp’s nudity was key to the operation as we’d received intel that her powers were contained within a certain magic belt. Further, our own meta-human expert, Nemesis, corroborated the belt would be removed for sake of bath-time efficiency.

To summarize, waiting for her to ‘get nekkid’ seemed like a good idea at the time." Rogers stated.

"Sadly our intel on the magical belt proved false”

While holding back tears he added, “The last thing recorded by the incursion team, was a blood curling scream of “Great Hera’s Rubber Ducky!”

In a scene that can only be describe as carnage, the 6’ 2” Amazonian warrior – dressed only in a bath towel and her silver bracelets – plowed through the taskforce like The Hulk through Iron Man. Agents where thrown with such force that many had to be rescued from the Charles River 5 miles away.

Said Rogers, “It was clear to all present that she was still in possession of her powers and was displeased by the interruption...”

Boston Police Commissioner Will Richardson said, "This is one of the darkest days in the history of Massachusetts Law Enforcement. Our prayers go to the 23 INS agents, 12 members of Boston SWAT, 5 police officers and 2 police dogs who were sent to area hospitals by this terry-clothed menace.”

Maggie Sawyer, spokeswoman for Metropolis Special Crime Units sighed
"I told these morons not to do it..."

The incident remains under investigation.


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