BREAKING SCOTT PILGRIM NEWS! A BPD Exclusive

We don't normally do this at BPD but when we got the news—from a Disney intern no less—we just had to share it. Edgar Wright (director Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) and Bryan Lee O'Malley (creator Scott Pilgrim series) are no longer associated with the upcoming Scott Pilgrim film project. Taken over by Disney, the project is now entitled Scott Pilgrim Can’t Lose and will be directed by David S. Goyer from a screenplay by Akiva Goldsmith.







Shocking! but there's more. The cast will now be lead by Zac Efron as Scott, Ellen Page as Ramona, Brenda Song as Knives and Perez Hilton as Wallace (guess Disney's trying to capitalize on some pop culture cred). BPD can only quip ‘thank goodness for Knives and Flowers!’ The film will also feature several musical numbers written by Panic At The Disco with choreography by Paula Abdul.

We’ll keep you abreast as we get more intel from our inside source...

STORY REPORTED AS TOLD TO SHERIN NICOLE & KAT BITTNER

We're Baacck!

We're back, black and in control. Alright, not all of us are black—only about 40% but that's highly competitive in today's market—we are back and definitely in control. Starting now BPD will be overhaulin' for a much more enjoyable read. Big thing, we'll only be posting on Mondays.

Today we're introducing BPD Express our weekly, news bites column. What's so great about it? Well, it's much faster to the punchline. It's also more skim friendly which we hear is import for a blog. The best part about BPD Express is that you can vote on items you'd like to see expanded through your comments.

Want to Ask the Question? Email him at bpd@buglesplanet.com and put ASK Q in the subject line. Be on the look out for bi-monthly editions!

Miss your comics love? Truth, Justice and Sweet, Sweet Love will back to hit your sweet spot in coming weeks. Email your heart's torments to bpd@buglesplanet.com and put SWEET, SWEET LOVE in the subject line.

Yes, we'll keep the Interviews coming and they're still 100% straight from your favorite creators. There'll also be more original pieces by the creators. Remember that great Omega-Level Mutation Quiz from Mike Carey? Yep, there'll be more of the same.

Think you'd be a great meta-journalist? The second round of the BPD Guest Shot! Contest is your chance to prove it.

And there's more...later...

BPD EXPRESS: First Edition

SUPER POWERED NEWS BITES

Zombie Persecution
The entire subculture known as Zombies has filed for a restraining order against Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams and The Coyote Kid, under claims of persecution. "What's so wrong with wanting brains." says Zeeeedddd leader of P.E.T.Z (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies.) "Most of you aren't using them anyway."*

The Things That Change Boys To Men
Superboy-Prime has been re-dubbed Superman-Prime. Apparently acts of complete bastardy are developmentally defining .

Pantha’s head glad it could help.


Green Sure Is Sexy
In a recent study doctors have related promiscuity to the color green. Green Arrow, Hal Jordan, Savage Dragon and She-Hulk happy to, finally, be understood.

BPD Lacks Estrogen
A recent study shows most women don't read Bugle's Planet Daily. The report extrapolates that while Femme-Fans have highly developed senses of humor, the rise of the online 'feminist-hive-mind' may be sucking the joy out of comics. Comics-Sociologist Big Mike Pellegrino claims "That is so money!"

Flash Cited for Moving Violation in NYC
Flash has collected his 259th ticket for speeding in Manhattan, according to local authorities. "He zooms around like a maniac here and we'll ticket him," promised Police Chief Harlan McElroy. "That sort of stuff may be okay in little burgs like Keystone but it don't play in the Big Apple." Flash's lawyer, Harvey Birdman, insisted that his client will be declared innocent and his record cleared now that he has taken the case.

Ronon Dex Cuts Hair; Wraith Proclaim Victory In Pegasus Galaxy
News reaches us through the Stargate that Ronon Dex, fierce warrior of Sateda and member of the Stargate Atlantis off-world team, has decided to cut his trademark wild dreadlocks for reasons unknown. The move was greeted with mixed feelings by members of the Atlantis expedition, particularly the female members.

"I'm happy to see Ronon doing more to fit in with the team," said expedition leader Colonel Samantha Carter. "Those dreadlocks get in the way in a firefight. Funny that Teal'C grows his hair out and Ronon cuts his, but they end up with the same style. Must be an alien thing."

"I don't like it," said base physician Dr. Jennifer Keller. "He looks like he should be on 'Baywatch' now. He's gonna look mighty silly running around in that big duster with short hair."

Dex himself was unavailable for comment, but the news apparently reached as far as a Wraith Hive Ship, members of which took time out from their war against the Replicators to comment on the fashion move.

"This is further proof that we shall reign victorious over the humans once we're done with these machines," said a Wraith who only identified himself as "Bob." "Our hair is naturally superior--smoother, silkier, and a sign of our prowess in battle. All the humans we feed off of do great things for our hair's health, let me tell you."

* BREAKING NEWS!!! Zombie Persecution Con't
Members of P.E.T.Z. appeared to be demonstrating at sites unrelated to Williams or the Kid. Locals found their moaning noise "annoying" and asked police to arrest them as a public nuisance. Locals were later devoured by demonstrators.

NEWS BITES COMPILED BY
MARTIN BOSWORTH, DREW BITTNER & SHERIN NICOLE

We'll Be Back!

Look for the Return of BPD on Monday!

Make sure to get your requests and suggestions in this week...Oh, and start writing those articles because the Guest Shot Contest is making a comeback.

Lock and Load

BPD is looking for your comments and suggestions on the blog; what you love, what you hate and what you'd like to see more of. Chime in at will! Your comments will shape the new Bugle's Planet Daily.

Wolfe, Lupin and Ormgud - Aftermath Cleaners Incorporated

BREAKING NEWS - BPD has unearthed a troubling conspiracy to conceal the aftermath of superhero battles.

The question was first hinted at by meta-journalist Garth Ennis in his scathing documentary The Boys, an expose of the seamier side of 'herodom' and poser of the question: After a major superhero dust-up, why are there no casualties?

Oh sure, one of the Hulks (he or She-) might lose it and bring down a town. Or there'll be some Crisis or War or criss-Crossover with a high fatality rate, but news of these tragedies always seems a means to an end. Pathos to underscore a larger point. Ennis, however, explored a more personal affect asking what would happen if your girlfriend had a head-on collision with a high-speed superhero whose only focus was saving the day? Roadkill is the kindest answer to that question. And who would clean up the mess? Wolfe Lupin and Ormgud - Aftermath Cleaners Incorporated.

Not to be confused with Damage Control, W.L.O Inc handles the more distasteful clean-up jobs that are an unavoidable result of calling in the big guns. Better yet, they make sure no one remembers a thing.

"You want the truth, do ye? Well, I'll tell ye—carnage," said Riley 'The Wolf' Wolfe. "It's awful but it's a gud days work, y'ken? We write tall tales fer families an' friends, dole out werege- uh, hush monies to survivors an' rewrite memories. Lupin, being a Nightmare, hunts and eats the more resolute memories. After that, it's down t'the zombies, but that be Ormgud's portion."

Morte Ormgud explained how the zombies work "Well, you've got all these pieces, you see, and you must be rid of them. No point leaving them in the deep freeze for authorities to discover, now is there? So the best thing is to feed them to zombies. You got to starve the zombies for a few days... then they'll go through bone like butter—so you must be wary of any Universe who keeps zombies on hand. They'll go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means a single zombie can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, 'greedy as a zombie'." [citation]

NOTE: Although we have no proof BPD suspects Mr. Ormgud's zombies have been running amok through multiple universes. Indeed, the agency's usage of time-space-dimensional skiffs and the 'misplacing' of hundreds of zombies seems to bear out our theory. [see Walking Dead, Marvel Zombies and Welcome to Tranquility]

The parasomnian Lupin seeks to shatter all illusions. "Yesss, yesss, it's quite reasonable to believe that after a hero slamsss through ssseveral buildings, throwsss a car and collapsesss a bridge that the bystandersss *ahem* will not only be breathing but break into a happy dance. Oh yesss," he intoned, "And after that we'll all sssay 'lookey, parachutesss like from GI Joe'."

Mr Wolfe expressed a concern that heroes would be seen as--well, less heroic. "Don't blame the heroes," he said. "Our orders come from a higher authority an' the heroes, poor buggers, have no idea. We blank 'em." He pulled out a cylindrical apparatus with a flashing light at one end to illustrate his point. "The only one we don't blank is Batman—y'kin guess why...identity crises and such—I hear he struggles with it. Aye, tha' greater good can really be a bitch."

HIT THE DECKS! The Card Soldiers Save BPD!

Part of Seeing Redd Week

Freedom!

After missing Network TV's entire premiere week (yes, sadly, Heroes too) BPD reached the breaking point. We started suffering symptoms of pop culture withdrawal, which included scrambling for back issues of PEOPLE, US and OK! (okaaay) After all, the only programs and activities Redd—Queen of all BPD, wicked be her name, long may the blood red flag fly to her glory, et cetera, et cetera— would approve meant having to choose between being in the audience for The View or a victim of that unfortunate Joker Roast.

Our spirits were not high. Morale was not good.

Just when all hope was lost, Card Soldiers led by Generals Doppelganger and Bibwit came to our rescue. Talk about cinematic! But, um, we're not sure why the Twining Generals kept screaming "This is Sparta!" (It's not, you know. It's northwest D.C.)


The staff is on the road to recovery but is forced to watch Best Week Ever to catch up on what we missed.













Star-photographer Stephan Martiniere caught these amazing shots of the rescuing army. Imagine hiding under your desk and having one of these guys run in, toss you over their shoulder and carry you to safety.

Big Thanks to Frank Beddor, Bo Liebman, Nate Barlow and Automatic Pictures for sending in the troops.

signed Kat, Drew and Sherin

The Devil You Know or Look Y'all We Famous!

BPD WORLD HQ - Things have gotten mad hectic around these parts. Not only are we dodging the floating trans-dimensional riffs plaguing our offices but: Drew's writing his first novel while editing an OGN, I'm editing several novels—amongst other projects *heh heh heh*, Kat is muse to a popular illustrator with an upcoming DKNY line (shhhh!), Martin is protecting superheroes from Secret Identity Theft, Big Mike has started a love thang with Justin Timberlake, Devon is off to Capri with Halle, Rosario and Charlize (damn that boy is good!), Brandon! is being sued by Mike Carey for Skrull accusations, Ulie is off world consulting the GL Corps on efficiency aka laying the smackdown on the Sinestro Corps, and the go*d@~m Jon Hex is busy being a bigger bad ass than Dashiell Bad Horse.

What does all this mean? We may fall a bit behind schedule from time to time. But, we'd rather bring you great, imaginative stories than rushed meanderings.









In the meantime get to know the devil. No, no, no, I mean check out The Devil You Know, Vicious Circle and Dead Men's Boots from the Felix Castor Series by Mike Carey.

How 'bout that swank t-shirt Mike is rocking. Look Ma! We Famous!

Contest Winners Revealed

BPD is happy to present articles from Daniel Palacio, winner of the BPD GUEST SHOT! Contest; and Gyuss Baaltar, the runner-up. The contest was an open call for submissions and we're blown away by the results.

Daniel and Gyuss did a great job! But now it's up to you, the readers. What do you think of our rookie meta-journalists?

Let us know! We'd like to hear from you and we're sure they'd love the feedback.

To Daniel and Gyuss we thank you for making our first contest a success. Cheers Guys!

Signed, The BPD Editors and Staff

Weatherman Suspended After On-Air Tirade About "White-Haired Black Chick"

By Guest Correspondent
Daniel Palacio

BPD GUEST SHOT! WINNER

NEW YORK, NY – (Westchester County) Newly-hired WWOR meteorologist Chip Chipperson was indefinitely removed from weather duties, on the 6 o' clock news, yesterday after a lengthy, profanity-laden diatribe on Sunday evening's newscast—where he blamed that day's freak thunderstorms on a mysterious African-American woman whom he described as having long white hair and blue eyes.

"I'm telling you, I saw it on my way to the quickie-mart," says the disgraced White Plains native. "She was a tall chick who was shouting at the heavens for lightning and thunder like she was Lady Macbeth or somethin'. She had some skunk-haired chick with her who kept calling her Storm, Stormy, or something. Sounds like a goddamn drag queen if you ask me."

The eight-minute rant started out as playful banter between Chipperson and the anchors but then turned ugly when weekend anchorwoman Trish Tilby tried to segue into the next segment.

"Put a sock in it, anchorslut!" he snapped. He went on denigrate this "nubian* f'ing princess" with a stream of racial insults and slanderous statements about her sexual proclivities. By the end of the segment, he had broken down into tears.

"Bitch ruined my barbecue..." he sobbed before they cut to commercial.

Oddly enough, none of the Westchester County locals remember a storm happening, except for local schoolmaster Charles Xavier, who thinks he might have heard some rain, but was too engrossed in the NASCAR races on TV to look outside.

A WWOR spokesperson said that Chipperson has agreed to attend sensitivity training classes, and may still have a job at the station upon completion.

"Honestly, this kind of stuff happens to weathermen all the time. I mean, it's not as bad as that guy in Pittsburgh who thought he was living the same day over and over again..."

* SEE ALSO: black or double chocolate almond

__________________________________________________
BIO: Daniel Palacio has written for the Daily Planet, the Astro City
Rocket, and the Springfield Shopper. They have yet to actually publish
any of these writings, but he remains ever hopeful...

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved

Doctors Alarmed At Retcontinence Pandemic

By Guest Correspondent

Gyuss Baaltar

BPD GUEST SHOT! RUNNER-UP

PORTSMOUTH CITY, OR – An increase in reported cases of Retcontinence has alarmed a number of professionals representing the American Psychological Association. In the Pacific Northwest, Dr. Pieter Cross has diagnosed the dissociative disorder in 8 cases this week, seeming to confirm suspicions that the cyclical disease is again peaking among the general populace.

"This disorder is often misdiagnosed in the DSM-IV," said Dr. Cross from the free clinic he opened in the inner city of Portsmouth City. "Frequently confused with schizophrenia, Retcontinence is usually seen as a specific anxiety where the patient believes parts of their personal history has been re-shaped in some way."

Experts cannot agree on the cause or the cyclical nature of Retcontinence. Some psychiatrists attribute it to mass hysteria, noting that there seems to be a correlation between times of greater conflict in the meta-human community and the general population complaining of unfamiliarity with their own past lives.

Dr. Leonard Samson, noted psychiatrist and specialist in meta-psychology points out that Retcontinence cases also vary by geographic location, lending credence to the theory of mass hysteria. "Gotham residents for example," says Samson, "often report the same feeling that a spotlight shown into the sky brings a sense of security, though no one can point out what the spotlight would do. However, Central City residents sometimes express discomfort with their sister-city of Keystone City. Despite having friends and relatives who have lived the twin-cities all their lives, residents of one will have a phobia of crossing the border between them citing a feeling that it shouldn't be there".

Population centers exhibiting signs of Retcontinence spreading among denizens are not in any danger. Citizens usually discuss their feelings in small groups or families and realize that the delusion does not keep them from continuing in their daily lives. Individuals without support networks do fall through the cracks. Dr. Cross believes he sees more cases than most, since misdiagnoses often leads patients into life on the streets, where rules are simpler and reminders of a mis-remembered past lives are not as apparent.

Jimmy Weeks has sought treatment for his Retcontinence several times over his adult life. "Seems like ever few years, I get the shakes. Memories of the past that should be locked in are suddenly like jello and I'm not sure who I am for a few days. One time I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd fought in the Vietnam War. Smells and sounds of that jungle hellhole haunted my dreams. But my good buddy Frank Castle reminded me that we fought together in the first Gulf War, in the freakin' desert! How weird is that?"

Dr. Samson attributes Mr. Weeks faulty memory to a combination of Retcontinence and PTSD. Mr. Weeks is in full recovery and carries out his daily routine with the assistance of common anti-anxiety medications.

__________________________________________________
BIO: When not teaching people how to safely jump out of airplanes, Gyuss Baaltar likes hanging out at Big Monkey Comics and getting schooled on Golden Age mythos by Scipio. His random ideas can often be found at gyussbaaltar.blogspot.com where he enjoys a steady audience of 4 daily readers. Despite subjecting himself to a daily regimen of dangerous situations, Gyuss has not developed any meta-powers, yet.