This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Aug 29, 2007

Weatherman Suspended After On-Air Tirade About "White-Haired Black Chick"

By Guest Correspondent
Daniel Palacio


NEW YORK, NY – (Westchester County) Newly-hired WWOR meteorologist Chip Chipperson was indefinitely removed from weather duties, on the 6 o' clock news, yesterday after a lengthy, profanity-laden diatribe on Sunday evening's newscast—where he blamed that day's freak thunderstorms on a mysterious African-American woman whom he described as having long white hair and blue eyes.

"I'm telling you, I saw it on my way to the quickie-mart," says the disgraced White Plains native. "She was a tall chick who was shouting at the heavens for lightning and thunder like she was Lady Macbeth or somethin'. She had some skunk-haired chick with her who kept calling her Storm, Stormy, or something. Sounds like a goddamn drag queen if you ask me."

The eight-minute rant started out as playful banter between Chipperson and the anchors but then turned ugly when weekend anchorwoman Trish Tilby tried to segue into the next segment.

"Put a sock in it, anchorslut!" he snapped. He went on denigrate this "nubian* f'ing princess" with a stream of racial insults and slanderous statements about her sexual proclivities. By the end of the segment, he had broken down into tears.

"Bitch ruined my barbecue..." he sobbed before they cut to commercial.

Oddly enough, none of the Westchester County locals remember a storm happening, except for local schoolmaster Charles Xavier, who thinks he might have heard some rain, but was too engrossed in the NASCAR races on TV to look outside.

A WWOR spokesperson said that Chipperson has agreed to attend sensitivity training classes, and may still have a job at the station upon completion.

"Honestly, this kind of stuff happens to weathermen all the time. I mean, it's not as bad as that guy in Pittsburgh who thought he was living the same day over and over again..."

* SEE ALSO: black or double chocolate almond

BIO: Daniel Palacio has written for the Daily Planet, the Astro City
Rocket, and the Springfield Shopper. They have yet to actually publish
any of these writings, but he remains ever hopeful...

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved


Gyuss Baaltar said...

This is awesome.

I'll get you next time Palacio!

sherin said...

RE: I'll get you next time Palacio!

Might I suggest a rematch? *maniacal laughter*