This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Aug 13, 2007

Hulk's Kitchen

By Roberto Ortiz, BPD Newbie

SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON – In a cross promotion mash up Marvel Comics and Fox Entertainment announced a special edition of the cooking reality series Hell’s Kitchen, to be aired in the late fall or as a mid season replacement.

In this version, world-renowned chef [read bully] Gordon Ramsay takes a group of high-powered, neo-cooks into what could only be described as culinary hell: screaming, burned risottos and high stress to earn the right to operate a top restaurant.

About a month ago, a number of high-profile friends and family of superheroes were selected to participate on the show, including Edwin Jarvis, Wong, May Reilly Parker and Foggy Nelson. But, at the last minute, Dr. Henry "Hank" P. McCoy was replaced by a surprise contestant: Bruce Banner.

According to sources close to the production this addition was done without the direct approval of Fox Entertainment. Agents for those appearing on the program counter-claim that they were pressured by Fox to "Amp up the star power on the show."

Making a potential tragedy worse, nobody warned Chef Ramsay about the special bipolar condition that afflicts Mr. Banner. According to some reports, Dr. Banner had run low on his prescription tranquilizers at the time.

During the broadcast, survivors report that Dr. Banner's inability to make a “perfectly round and delicious” chicken croquet led to an advanced stage of agitation; he became a special target of Ramsay's expletive laced abuse. The chef was especially angry at Banner's apparent inability to cook spaghetti al dente. The last words before turning into a seven-foot green behemoth were "PUNY HUMAN! HULK THE GOURMET ONE!"

Late last night, Ramsay was admitted to Holy Cross hospital in LA, where surgeons worked unsuccessfully to remove a Beef Wellington from his lower intestine. He will be flown back to his native UK for reconstructive and bypass surgeries.

At press time, Dr. Banner remained at large but was last seen wearing a tattered Hell’s Kitchen apron which had inexplicably turned purple.

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