Ask the Question!

Word on the street is that there's an all-new Question running around Gotham, working glove-in-glove with a nasty group of religious fanatics. We at BPD were naturally a little concerned, so we went out to bring you this installment of Ask the Question. This time, it's BPD's turn.

BPD: Good evening, Question.

Q: Hurm.

BPD: You okay?

Q: Yeah. Had a frog in my throat.

BPD: We heard that your recent investigation into a certain nefarious book led in some unexpected directions.

Q: You might say that. I was trying to find out more about the Crime Bible. This is a work that, depending on who you ask, is either an ancient collection of prophecies and tales of Cain--or a batch of ravings from a crackpot. Depends on what you believe.

Except I don't operate on belief--I have to know.

BPD: So what did you find? Is the Crime Bible for real?

Q: ...yes.

BPD: Should we be frightened by that?

Q: If you'd asked me last year, I would have said yes. Now... well, I'm doing all I can to defuse the Crime Bible's most horrifying prophecies. It's a herculean task, because any one thing I do may precipitate or fulfill a prophecy, rather than negating it. The more I know, the more dangerous my actions might be. Needless to say, I'm having some trouble sleeping.

BPD: What about this (for lack of a better word) cult, the Dark Faith?

Q: They're a factor in this situation. Let's just say that I'm keeping my friends at arm's length and my enemies close.

BPD: Anything else coming up?

Q: Yes. A recent meeting with an old colleague turned up some very interesting information. Your readers should keep their eyes open and prepare themselves--events are starting to spiral out of anyone's control.

BPD: Is there anything that can be done about that?

Q: Good question.

Thanks to The Question for this little Q&A. We'll revive ASK THE QUESTION as a regular feature as soon as things start getting back to normal. Till then...

-Your Loyal BPD Staff

Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

A New God... Dead?

WYCKO, MN. - Citizens of this far-northern farming community were simultaneously proud and dismayed to find that a New God had chosen their home when it came his time to die. Identified as Stellar (a previously unknown and unworshipped New God), the dying super-entity's final words were (to paraphrase) "damn this sucks" and "dying... me! I'm a friggin' New God!"

"We didn't know what to make of it," said Heinz "Handy" Ostrobeck, a local farmer and merchant. "He was dying for what must've been half an hour out in Clancy Bright's field over there. Yelling and cursing and carrying on. I was tempted to take my old shotgun and just end it for him, you know? Our kids don't need to hear some space freak making a fuss like that."

The residents of Wycko had heard rumors that "some of them superfolk were getting killed off," Ostrobeck said, but "that's so far away from here, we didn't think it mattered much to us. Then this goofball from space shows up and dies and we're in the papers."

Reminded that the New Gods had, in fact, been getting murdered over the past year, Ostrobeck shrugged. "I can't expect to keep up with all them big city doings," he said. "When Superman dies again, let me know. Otherwise I'll just keep plugging along."

Other, better-informed folk admitted that they had forgotten entirely that the New Gods had been slain en masse, so that the revelation of a New God's death offered a certain novelty all over again. It certainly seemed nobody realized (or cared) that an entire civilization of powerful, benevolent beings had been annihilated, even though it had been heavily covered in national publications during the previous twelve months.

No funeral arrangements have been made, since there are no known next of kin (or anyone to pay for said arrangements). Clancy Bright said he might charge folks a dollar to view the remains, which are currently on display in his barn.

Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

Final Crisis Probably Not Final

Is This Not the End? Experts Disagree.

METROPOLIS - Scientists at STAR Labs announced today that the pending "Final Crisis" may not, in fact, be final at all.

"We've found no reason to believe that these 'Crisis' events won't recur on a semi-regular basis," said Dr. Emil Hamilton, noted friend of Superman and all-around smart guy. "Our chaotic math team estimates that by 2009, 2010 at the outside, we'll see another Crisis-level event... though it may not be called that."

"It may in fact be called a Catastrophe, a Major Upheaval or even a 'Whoops! There Goes the Universe,'" added Dr. Kitty Faulkner. "We have our eye on several different vectors from which this next major event might emerge, including deep space, parallel worlds, the Earth's core and the far future. So far, we've been unable to rule out any possibilities of any or all of these causing us massive agita."

"We doubt that it will be a 'dilly of a pickle' or a 'dire predicament,' however," Hamilton said. "Those names are just silly."

Experts in Crisis Management beg to differ about the likelihood of future Crises.

"As far as we're comfortable predicting, this is the big one," said Dan DiDio, noted expert on all matters Crisis-related. "It won't be like your father's Crisis, with red skies and a dead Flash at the end, no sir. We might see lots of really important and not-creatively-moribund superfolk take the fall this time around. We expect lots of excitement, destruction and the (hopefully brief) reign of evil throughout the universe.

"In short, bad times are coming. We can talk future Crises later, okay? Right now, I got my hands full. Death to Jimmy Olsen! All hail Darkseid!"

Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

Earth-2 Says No More; Demands to be Called "Earth Awesome"

"We Were Here First!" Insists Justice Society

EARTH-2 - Well, the writing was on the wall for a long, long time. Earth-2, home of the Earth's mightiest heroes of World War II and their modern-day descendants--many of them legacy heroes carrying on a proud tradition of heroism--isn't going to take it any more.

"We were here first," declared Jay Garrick (aka Flash 1, 'the first Flash' or 'classic Flash') of the Justice Society of America. "Where do they get off calling us 'Earth-2'? That's demeaning! How would they like it if we called them 'Earth-Johnny-Come-Lately'? Or maybe 'Earth-Copycat'? I don't think they'd like that much at all. We're polite and didn't raise a fuss until now... but this whole new Crisis thing has opened up a big can of worms, I can tell you."

To improve the image of this unhappy parallel world, a decision was made at the highest levels. From now on, Earth-2 will insist on being known as 'Earth-Awesome.'

This decision provoked immediate controversy from many quarters.

"It'll confuse us with that dreadful alternate Earth where someone named Supreme is running around," said Wonder Woman of Earth-2. "You know, the fellow who seems like a bad carbon copy of Superman? I believe I read that he's had a few good adventures but honestly, I don't know..."

Asked for clarification on the naming convention post-Crisis, Under Secretary of State for Alternate and Parallel Worlds Dan DiDio said, "We're investigating the matter and intend to issue a statement very soon. We believe we can resolve this amicably, without resorting to another Crisis... though I cannot confirm or deny that a Crisis is being planned at this moment."

In the meantime, Earth-Awesome is putting out feelers to the 50 other "also-ran Earths" to see if they want to alter their naming conventions as well. "Just because they call themselves Earth-1 doesn't mean they're better than we are," huffed Power Girl (aka 'the Supergirl of Earth-2'). "I mean, really! What did they contribute to the multiverse that we didn't do first?"

Artwork copyright DC Comics Inc., all rights reserved