Leader-1 Update: "I'm A %$#in' Mini-Con!"

After down-on-his-luck GoBot Leader-1 failed to sell his movie script in hopes of upending the massive Transformers comeback, the embittered former Guardian was forced to make ends meet by any means necessary.

Kids' birthday parties. Posing as an amusement park ride. Late-night cable access. Selling his own body for scrap parts. And now, as Bugle's Planet Daily reports, poor Leader-1 has suffered the final indignity...being reduced to a glorified battery as a Mini-Con for Megatron.

"This completely stinks," Leader-1 told Bugle's Planet Daily. "Look at me! I used to be a fighter jet. I had my own team, my own television show, and now what? I'm the freaking robotic equivalent of Viagra for a tyrant."


When asked if he had any other opportunities and why he let himself be used by Megatron, Leader-1 sighed. "Opportunities? I don't even have a MOUTH, let alone opportunities. This is it. The big junkyard in the sky for me. Nowhere else to go but way down."


Megatron's voice suddenly boomed "LEADER-1! TO MY SIDE, YOU MISERABLE MECHANICAL MORON!", and the ex-GoBot-turned-MiniCon sighed with resignation and trotted off. A sad end, and a cautionary tale for us all.

Scooter, currently rumored to be racing cars Tokyo drift-style in Japan, was unavailable for comment.

Gobots' Leader-1: "I Could've Been A Contender"

BPD HEADQUARTERS - It's been a rough twenty year stretch for the Guardians. Although their television series Challenge Of The GoBots brought them mild notoriety, they just couldn't battle the outright awesomeness of The Transformers. Inevitably they were canned. Disheartened they retreated to That Was Yesterday, a popular Vegas dive, where they became drinking buddies with the Coreys (Feldman and Haim).

Then a few years ago inspiration struck. Leader-1 penned an ingenious script outlining a return to action for his intrepid team. Entitling it Go! GoBots! Go! he made only one mistake. He narrated the entire screenplay in the presence of slumming Decepticon, Starscream. Wasting neither time nor opportunity, Starscream used his speaker phone to conference in Michael Bay. The Transformers now had a vehicle for their comeback.

Last night, yours truly was treated to a screening of that film (heh heh heh). Which has cleverly been renamed Transformers. Having forgotten my invite to Bumblebee's Yeah Bee-otch! after party I returned to the office. Leader-1 was waiting for me.

"We've still got a chance, right? Tell me they messed up my script and now it's our turn." he begged, waving the document in question. I sighed shaking my head, "It don't look good for you, brother. It don't look good."


Transformers opens this July 4.
The holes are big, the fun is bigger. Go get some.