Super-Chick Costumes Send Supergirl to the Pole

SMALLVILLE (BPD) - Like most teenagers, Supergirl wanted a part time job. Unlike most, doing homework and saving the day leaves very little extra time. As a result, the girl got creative.

"I was watching Black Canary swing around a lamp-post and Omigod! It just hit me. I could strip! Minimal hours, high income and homework between sets. Don't look at me like that. Judging by most of our costumes stripping's the next logical step. Have you seen Canary's fishnets? And that deep 'V' over Vixen's boobies? Uh-huh. What world is that saving?

When faced with dissension the teen-queen fought back with both barrels blazing. "Hel-low, people. Tigra and Cheetah? They're nekkid! Mary Jane washing Spidey's skivvies showing her thong? Now that's classy. What?! What did you say? Skank!?! Aw hells no. Don't make me go all Phantom Lady's costume on your ass..."

Superman expressed concern but couldn't stop the headstrong teen. Instead he insisted she have a mentor who could "handle themselves" if things got hectic. Stripperella was the logical choice and was happy to take on the job. "I'm not doing much these days anyway. Maybe this could get me into the JLA."

When asked if she was surprised by the news, Power Girl said the following, "Me? Shocked? Why do you think I wear this costume in the first place? And the boobs? Really. You don't go from Bs to Double-Ds just by wishing real hard. My chest is still waaay smaller than my brain. Plus the villains gape, I jaw-jack 'em. Done! *yeech* Boys are so easy..."

Potential Supergirl oglers should know that Batman is keeping 'an eye on things' at the strip club and Green Arrow has been stopping by to make sure it's all on the 'up and up.'

IN OTHER NEWS: Green Arrow and the Gentleman Ghost solicited by Chippendales. The Penguin turned away.

Special thanks to Occasional Superheroine for planting the seed and the photo reference.

Batman Dumbfounded by Surprise Party

"World's Greatest Detective" Ambushed by Friends

by Drew Bittner, Senior Gotham Correspondent

GOTHAM CITY - The Darknight Detective was caught unawares Saturday evening by a surprise party, thrown in honor of his birthday by the Justice League of America.

"I was a little surprised, yes," Batman admitted to this reporter (who was flown blindfolded into the Batcave to cover the event). "There are many security features to the cave--but they were all neatly circumvented by my friends." He suddenly frowned. "...which is unacceptable."

Hosted by Robin the Boy Wonder, partygoers included Superman, Supergirl, Green Lantern, Green Arrow and Black Canary, Hawkman and Hawkgirl, the current rosters of the JLA and Teen Titans, and several more.

"This is a great opportunity for us to get together and loosen the capes a little," Superman said. "Nobody has fun like a group of superheroes! Well, nobody but a group of supervillains, I suppose, but I've never been to one of their parties."

Booster Gold showed up late for the festivities, claiming that his robotic sidekick Skeets "forgot" to inform him of a prior commitment. "Hey, at least I got here," he said. "That's more than the Outsiders managed to do!" He was forced to retract his statement mere seconds later, having seen the new lineup of Outsiders glaring at him across the Batcave floor.

A special guest of the night was Catwoman, whose arrival provoked some controversy among the assembled heroes. A spontaneous vote was held and Catwoman was allowed to stay, with Huntress casting the deciding vote. "I just wanted to see what she'd do. That girl may be trouble but she's fun to watch!" Huntress said later.

Nightwing, Batman's former partner and the first Robin, was a notable no-show but sent a videotaped greeting to his mentor, wishing him the best and offering to watch over Gotham City any time he feels like retiring. Even though Batman laughed, it feels as though he's been around for decades, despite his having the vigor and appearance of a man barely in his thirties. How much longer will this tireless caped crusader continue to patrol the night-time streets of Gotham City?

Judging by the way he set the dance floor on fire, he'll be crimefighting for many, many years to come.

Want to know more about Batman? Visit http://www.dccomics.com/!

Batman artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

Superhero Dust-up On Springer

CHICAGO - A routine episode of 'The Jerry Springer Show" erupted into unroutine super violence as the usually collected superheroine Black Canary, of the Justice League of America, traded blows (plus sonic cries and bowshafts) with the mysterious assassin Shado. At the center of the confrontation? A paternity test naming former Justice Leaguer Green Arrow as the father of Shado's illegitimate son.

"I was blindsided!" exclaimed Black Canary after the tapping. "I thought we—GA and I—were here to talk about our engagement. Then she pops out of nowhere saying GA's the father of her kid. I don't know what kind of show Mr. Springer is running, but no one wants to put their personal business on national television."

Green Arrow, known for his many impromptu speeches and public outcries, was uncharacteristically silent after Shado's announcement. "After Shado implied Black Canary was sterile, I knew it was on. Best to just back away and let the ladies work out their aggressions." GA managed to get Springer and the security team away from the stage before anyone was hurt in the brawl.

Lashonqua Dinkins was in the audience when the brawl took place. "That first lady, she was a'ight. But that skinny b*tch with the bent stick, was all like, 'He need me, we understand each uver,' and that when the first lady was fi' to blow."

Black Canary apologized after the incident and the JLA paid for the damage done to the studio. "I did not appreciate the producers' methods, but I lost my temper. We all have to take responsibility for our actions. I should have just left, but that b*tch was asking for it."

Springer was unfazed by the whole altercation. "People are people, not what they choose to wear. In any given situation, most people are likely to react impulsively, and well, that's what makes the show. Besides, " Springer gave a slight grin, "we get so many people claiming Green Arrow's their baby's father, we had to have him on the show."