BREAKING NEWS! Children Affected by Chang Tzu Breakfast

Part of Seeing Redd Week

"Egghead" Children Caused by Breakfast Food?

BPD WORLD HQ - Children in the Oolong County school system are being tested for side effects, following shocking hyper cephalic development among those students who took part in the "Big Breakfast, Big Day" program. [see Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg] The affected children all consumed breakfast sandwiches made from the remains of supervillain Egg Fu. Visible effects include cranial elongation akin to that shown by gamma mutate Samuel Stern (shown at right).

"Kids who ate the green-eggs-and-spam® sandwiches made from, um, reprocessed supervillain yolk have shown drastic... well, I suppose mutation is the only word that fits," admitted school superintendent Gary Chalmers. "In retrospect, using the substance of a possibly alien creature as breakfast food may have been ill-advised." Asked about the school system's liability, he had no comment.

Commissioner Demi Albumen, sponsor of the project, has issued no public statement.

Animal testing revealed the potential for physical side effects. This common white laboratory mouse (below) has shown vastly expanded intelligence and a sinister ambition to conquer the world, both traits associated with Egg Fu. Acme Laboratories in the United States is researching this issue separately.

"We wouldn't be so concerned, except that the children are discussing building super-weapons and how to take over the planet," added Chalmers. "You see this sort of thing in kindergarten and first grade from time to time, but these kids are in fourth and fifth grade. Fourth and fifth grade, people! These little, um, eggheads are serious! Frankly, it's enough to make me crap my pants."

Those children who are being tested have not shown anti-social or sociopathic tendencies to date, but have organized into a group to "promote our common interests and collective well being. We are the future and you will see what we can do. We act as one, a dozen eggs in one nest.

"Henceforth we will be known as Egg Fu's Young."

More on this alarming story as it develops.

The Leader artwork copyright Marvel Comics; Egg Fu artwork copyright DC Comics; The Brain artwork copyright Warner Bros. Animation, all rights reserved

Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg

Part of Seeing Redd Week

OOLONG ISLAND - An unknown squad of "benevolent" scientists has donated Chung Zhu (aka Egg Fu) to the Oolong County School Board's 'Big Breakfast, Big Day' program. Tzu's threats went unheard as Commissioner Demi Albumen contemplated the myriad ways he would enrich her pet project. "Not only will Chung Chang—um, Ching-Ching-Chan...er, Chu Tzu. Ahhh--Egg Fu?"

Albumen placed a hand over the microphone and whispered to an aide. "Is it okay to call him that? It's not culturally insensitive or anything? Oh, he's evil? I see. He's eeevvvill. Well alright then." Vindicated the commissioner continued "Not only will Egg Fu feed millions of school children but his green, gooey center makes him very kid-friendly. Any more so and he'd be slime. Huh? Oh. I'm told he is slime. Perfect."

The infamous L'Ady sisters, Lunch and Cafeteria, wholeheartily agree and are excited about the new breakfast-sandwich they'll create once Zhu is in their custody. "It's right out of an orange book," said the portly Cafeteria, "Course we can't afford the ham but I reckon Spam™ is tastier—Brand recognition is huge for these Rugrats™."

The Chinatown Restaurant Association is already planning a protest. "He Chinese egg," said Wong Fei Chung owner of Peking Cluck, "They never hear of fried rice for kids!? It much better!" (He then went back to speaking the Queen's English, oddly enough, with a New Zealand accent)

Longtime Chang Tzu nemesis, Wonder Woman, warned there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children and that this could be an evil plot. "Don't quote me," said the Amazon Princess, "but there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children. This could be an evil plot."

Ms. Woman is a known conspiracy theorist (See "Save sanity. Save the world"). However, we will keep an eye on this story as it develops—by this we mean: Check back on Friday for Part 2!