Reed Richards Invents Mechanical Backscratcher

Admits to Having an Off Day

NEW YORK - Reed Richards, world-famous as "Mr. Fantastic" of the Fantastic Four, admitted he has been in a slump as an inventor lately. His only serious effort in the past week has been a mechanical backscratcher.

"I mean, it's a good backscratcher, don't get me wrong," Dr. Richards insists, "but I'm a guy who invents time machines, moon rockets and extradimensional slingshots before lunch! I solved the quantum diffraction problem in seventeen minutes, while I was fighting off an invasion by the Skrulls!" He sighed. "I really need to take some time off and get my focus back."

Ben Grimm, Reed's longtime friend and teammate, agreed. "Stretch ain't been on his game fer awhile now," the Thing said. "Ever since Civil War kinda blew up in his face--I guess it dint go like his fancy math said it oughtta--he's been in the dumps. He needs ta get outta the city and get some fresh air. Mebbe take Suzie and Frank fer a family vacation, somewhere nice. Like Atlantic City, mebbe."

Reed said, "There's a six percent chance of improvement if I remain in my current work/home paradigm. Clearly something has to change." He considered his newest invention, then muttered something about 'scratching Schrodinger's cat'.

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved

Salacious Film Producer Woos Mr. Fantastic

BURBANK, CA - Bawdy video production company Vapid Vixen Films announced a deal in the works with, former Fantastic Four leader, Dr. Reed Richards to star in a new series of films for international distribution. Richards, better known as "Mr. Fantastic," has been sought for years by lascivious film producers who have dreamt of the myriad possibilities presented by his unique power to stretch his body. However, up until now Richards has staunchly declined all advances.

Dr. Richards had no comment issued through his attorney, Matthew Murdock. However, industry insiders point to Richards' wife, Sue—and recent news of her deep-sea escapades—as the cause of his meltdown.

Reached at Fantastic Four headquarters Benjamin J. Grimm, the Thing, had this comment, "Youse crummy mugs oughta lay off. Stretcho went offa the deep end when he found out that Namor had hit Suzie's drawers."

Vapid Vixen Film's press release indicated that Richard's first film, tentatively titled, "They Call Me Mr. Fantastic!" is currently being scripted?