Namor: 'I Hit That!'

ATLANTIS - After decades of speculation, Namor, the Sub-Mariner, has finally broken the silence on his suspected romantic tryst with Susan Storm of the Fantastic Four.

In the interview, conducted by BPD's love correspondant, Big Mike, Namor tells all. A partial transcript of the interview is below.

Big Mike: So, Namor, now that Civil War's over and we're all pretty sure Reed Richards is an assclown, tell us what really went down with Sue.

Namor: What happened, Mike, is that I hit that. Sue came to me and asked me to join the anti-registration side, and I said 'well, Sue, what's in it for me?' Not like I had to talk her into it, though. She's been eyeing me for years.

Big Mike: This is quite a revelation. Do you think now that her marital troubles with Dr. Richards appear to be behind her that your little romantic entaglement is over?

Namor: I doubt it. The world may think that being stretchy and limp is a superpower, but that's because they haven't talked to the man's wife.

Big Mike: Ouch.

Sue Storm is not available for comment, but Franklin Richards, so-called son of a genius, is already calling for a paternity test. "Reed's a douche. I want Namor to be my dad," Franklin said.

The only member of the Fantastic Four who would speak with BPD was Ben Grimm, also known as the Thing. His response was short and to the point: "Yeah, I hit that too."