If the combined comic book universes had their equivalent of The Onion, this would be it. The BDP can be a bit hit and miss in its humor, but when it's on, it's on. The perfect tonic for those who take their funnybooks too seriously.
METROPOLIS - Feared through our corner of the galaxy as an unstoppable killing machine, not to mention the monster who killed Superman, Doomsday's most terrible secret has come to light.
His real name is Dances With Flower Petals.
"I was really shocked to find that out," admits Superman. "I mean, it's one thing to be beaten to death by something called Doomsday, even if it was Booster Gold that named him, but...Dances With Flower Petals? That would've been embarrassing. I can't wait to tell Batman. He's gonna love this!"
Booster Gold laughed so hard he slung himself over top of Skeets, "They couldn't think of a good Kryptonian name? Kal-Kill or Bash-El?"
Cub reporter Jimmy Olsen is credited with uncovering the gray-skinned behemoth's birthname. How did he do it?
"I backtracked his path of destruction from where his cyber-crypt was buried," Olsen said. "Oddly, nobody had done that yet! And there it was, carved into the metal in Kryptonian symbols. I had STAR Labs translate and they said it reads, 'His name is Dances With Flower Petals. Do not open. He's feeling messed up about it.' I guess whoever put him in there had a thing for understatement."
Doomsday was asked for a comment (from half a star system away), "It was the Summer of Love! Everyone was calling their kid something weird! Awwww...!" upon further reflection he continued "If Jimmy Olsen ain't dead by the time I get to Earth, I'm gonna kill him myself. Slow." Rubbing his rocky jaw and cracking his poison-dripping knuckles, he added, "Being Superman's pal ain't gonna save you this time, kid."
Jimmy Olsen was characteristically undaunted by the hulking creature's threat. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be waiting for you...Rosie."
Doomsday art by Dan Jurgens, all rights reserved DC Comics