This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jun 4, 2007


Bugle's Planet
Daily Exclusive

METROPOLIS - Daily Planet photographer James Olsen was arrested by DEA agents in a pre-dawn raid on his condominium yesterday. Olsen, know to many as "Superman's Pal," was charged with multiple counts of possession and distribution of a controlled substance, the hyper-steroid XGH.

Suspicions of contributing causes to
Cap's death currently under investigation

Olsen had no comment through his attorney, Matthew Murdock. A source close to the case, speaking on condition of anonymity, had this comment. "Jimmy has been known throughout the superhuman community for many years as the person to see for that special something you need to pump you up. All those guys are on the stuff. You don't think that they get those physiques through working out? I mean, getting bit by a radioactive spider is only going to get you so far. You might be strong enough to lift a truck, but you're still going to look like a skinny kid. And don't forget that they all wear spandex."

Olsen's arrest has also caused friends and foes alike to question the Man of Steel's recent accomplishments. While Superman's reputation has always been uncompromised, his particularly close relationship with Olsen has made for uncomfortable questions for the Metropolis Marvel. "I'm telling you, my Superman Killer Robot was deadly enough to destroy him! Last year it would have been enough," said criminal mastermind, Lex Luthor from his cell in Maximum X Security Penitentiary Number One. "Why do you think Superman gave him the watch in the first place?"

Captain America and Teen Titans artwork by Rob Liefeld, all rights reserved respectively: Marvel Comics, DC Comics

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