This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jun 4, 2007

Sub-Mariner Bristles At Recent
Black Adam Comparisons

ATLANTIS - "Imperius Rex! The comparisons started about a year ago, I believe," said Namor, prince of the fabled city of Atlantis.

"A year ago, criminals were running up to me, asking for political asylum. I allowed a few in. They drowned. Lately, surface dwellers have been wetting themselves at the very sight of me, begging me not to kill them. I'd prayed for this day but it was tainted once they'd start screaming, "Mercy, Black Adam, mercy!"

Leaning in close, right eyebrow raised haughtily, he asks this reporter: "Who is this Black Adam?"

I pulled out my laptop and pulled a GIS under "Black Adam." The Prince of Atlantis was quick to point out the obvious differences.

"I can see a slight resemblance. The widow's peak. The pointed ears. The raised eyebrow. The chiseled features. I have a throne, he has a throne. The difference is in the bearing, though. I display better form whilst hovering above my lessers."

For those who don't know, Black Adam is a Captain Marvel villain from comics' Golden Age. Blessed with the powers of six different gods, he at best only engaged in shenanigans designed to destroy the accursed Marvel Family. Nowadays, Adam has become one of comics' most feared villains, after his joining a secret society of super-villains comprised of the likes of Lex Luthor and Talia al Ghul, daughter of dead eco-terrorist, Ra's al Ghul.

Recently, his inability to halt the destruction of his beloved homeland, Kahndaq, led to the unfortunate deaths of his wife, Isis and brother-in-law, Osiris. Adam, racked with grief, killed millions of innocent men, women and children to get to the ones he'd implicated in their demise.

The Scion of Atlantis, rose from his throne and then asked to be excused. Returning shortly, he said, "I did not know it was possible to throw up in one's gills."

"I... I... Wow. I just blow into my seashell and threaten up-worlders, that's my "thing"... Black Adam. Wow. I think it best if people not associate me with this guy. Was Sue Richards unharmed?"

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