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This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jun 4, 2007

Truth, Justice, and Sweet, Sweet Love



As always, resident BPD love expert Big Mike is here to chime in on the romantic triumphs and travails of our readership. Let's go straight to the mailbag, shall we?

Big Mike:


Life in politics is stressful. Add a crimefighting gig and three sidekicks to watch over and you're looking at one busy hero. So I like to blow off a little steam here and there and have a good time with some fun loving ladies. But recently... well... let's just say that it's not my arrow that's green this time around. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Itchin in Star City


Dear Itchin,

Firstly, I think you need to stop and think about the kind of example you're setting for your kids, your three sidekicks, and their kids. You're an adult and you can make your own decisions, but it sounds to me like that boxing glove isn't the only glove you need to store in your quiver. As for the itch, Batman had the same problem in the 80's after his fling with Talia. He's got a cream that works wonders. Best of luck.

-Big Mike

Dear Big Mike,

I've been putting in crazy legwork to get the friction on with this girl. The thing is that she's an alien with superpowers. Oh, and don't get me started on her cousin. I don't have superpowers or anything. And I sort of got beat up by a girl recently. My dad was kind of a loser, and I don't want to follow in his footsteps. Do I have any chance with this girl? Oh, did I mention she's 16?

Thanks,
Baby Boomer


BB,

Let me first say that you're kind of a pervert. Superpowers or not, that girl is barely old enough to drive. Guys like you belong on obscure superhero teams that no one cares about... wait a sec...

But more to the point, I'd say you probably don't have much of a chance. In my experience, when it comes to girls like this, if you're not super-intelligent, green, and from at least a thousand years in the future, you might as well be wearing a clown suit. I suggest you move on. If you like 'em young, I hear JSA headquarters is the place to be.

-Big Mike

Big Mike,

I recently had an ill-advised fling with my ex-boyfriend, Oliver. Now, I have this... itch. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Pretty Birdy


Pretty Birdy,

When will you people learn? Go see Batman. And for the love of Zeus, keep your fishnets on when you visit Star City!

-Big Mike

Well, that's it for the mailbag this week. Remember folks, it's a big scary world out there, but we heroes gotta fight the good fight for truth, justice, and sweet, sweet love.

Got a question, on super human love,
for Big Mike?
Leave it in the comments section then check back to see if Big Mike has an answer!
(keep it clean or clever)

8 comments:

Sharif M. said...

This site is genius!

Thanks so much.

Sherin said...

Thanks Sharif!

We couldn't have asked for a better first comment. Keep coming back, and let us know how we're doing.

Save Yourself said...

Big Mike,

I'm a young Christian man who recently lost the one woman I thought God wanted me to be with. Now her ghost is telling me I got it twisted. So I'm spending time with a hot chocolate Puerto Rican down in Rio. She may be my one and only...but maybe not. I'm mad confused man. What to do?

- Save Yourself to Save Yourself

Strickly Stickly said...

Hi Cutie,

My brother Adam says you've got the goods when it comes to our kind of love. So here goes. I'm falling fast for a woman I thought was a man. An incredible man! But, I'm straight and I feel like I wasn't given a choice. Do I give it a go or shut him/her down?

Thanks Hon, Strictly (St)ickly

Jen Hulking said...

Big Mike,

I'm suing a former lover for crimes against human rights, not to mention royally screwing over my cousin. Problem is he's an 'iron man' in more ways then one and I'm missing our late night jam sessions. The guy's a class A jerk! Am I a total freak or what?

Sincerely, Jen Hulking

Anonymous said...

Big Mike,
My teen sidekick is starting to ask awkward questions... and I think he's seeing a teen supervillainess behind my back!
What is a responsible superhero to do?
signed,
Confused by Night

Sweet Coins said...

Yo Big Mike:

I have to battle the best fighter in the province. While I'm always ready to dole out the harshness, I feel like I'm not fighting for a great reason. I'm a member of the Seven Evil Ex-Boyfriends of Ramona Flowers Union (SEERFU) not because I still like her, but because certain people (not me!) are still hung up over Ms. Uncomfortable Shoes.

Unfortunately, I'm bound contractually and magically by union rules to fight this dude. How do I get out of this? I just started seeing this chick and I don't want to be C-blocked (again!) by this union of video game losers. Get out of your mama's basement and get some real afternoon delight!

Signed,
Sweet Coins

Emo Avenger said...

Hi Mike,

Like a lot of people in my industry, I recently changed my name to avoid negative publicity. But my bf won't stop calling me "Ass-Guardian" in bed. It wouldn't be a big deal...except I'm a top. A really great top. How do I let the bf know he's going to be the "Ass-Guardian" in the relationship?