This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jun 4, 2007

Gotham Man Never Been Victim Of Crime

Gotham, home to scores of pajama'd nut jobs, killer clowns, man crocs; and possibly a giant black bat.

GOTHAM CITY - Local shopkeeper Gavin Harwick has lived in Gotham City for twenty five of his thirty eight years of life. He runs his own import electronics store and lives in Gotham Village.

Amazingly he has never been robbed, injured, threatened, held hostage or encased in ice in the most violent city in the U.S.

"Just lucky, I guess," Gavin said. "Last week, a customer walked out with a robotic dog from Japan and, boom, was hit in the head with a mallet."

"Damnedest thing," remarks noted Gotham detective Harvey Bullock. "Can't turn a corner without some wackjob in Halloween pajammies pasting you with poison novelty gags. Guess someone has to be an exception to the rule."

Gotham City has had a long standing reputation of being a haven for criminals, thugs and madmen since the original Green Lantern relocated in the 50's. Since then, crime has risen steadily at an average of 45% from each preceding year. That is, until the inception of the GCPD's "Bat-signal", used to dissuade criminal acts with the threat of the rumored "Bat-man".

"Never seen him before, but maybe he keeps them back," Gavin said. "I don't think too much about it. Gift horses, and all."

On the opposite side, Matt Turner, a resident of The Browery, has been a victim of thirty seven separate incidents of crime involving thirteen major Gotham criminals, including Two-Face Harvey Dent, Posion Ivy, The Trigger Twins and an accidental vehicular collusion with Cat-Man.

"I'm moving to Keystone. Anywhere's better than this," Matt said, while packing his MeHaul van.

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