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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Jun 22, 2007

Letters to the Editor- World War Hulk: Point-Counterpoint

Dear Editor,

Nearly a year ago, I was called upon (in my human identity) to solve a crisis for the spy agency known as SHIELD. They placed me into a rocket vehicle and transported me to what they claimed was a dangerous super-weapon in orbit above Earth. The super-weapon was destroyed… but the superstructure did not reenter Earth’s atmosphere as promised. Instead, hyperlight engines were engaged and I was flung to a distant star system.

En route, a taped message informed me that a group of so-called heroes—Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, and Black Bolt of the Inhumans, with the collaboration of others—had decided among themselves, without consulting any government or legal authority on Earth, to exile me from my home. They claimed that the world they had in mind was peaceful and uninhabited.

So much for good intentions and their inevitable destination.

I landed on a savage world where only my gamma-powered strength and durability allowed me to survive… and conquer. I overthrew that world’s corrupt autocracy and established the foundations for a democratic civilization. I even found love…

…and then the unstable hyperlight engines of my prison ship overloaded and exploded, killing millions and damaging (perhaps forever) Sakaar’s fragile ecosystem. With my surviving friends, the Warbound, I set about returning to Earth.

Let me say that, at a minimum, I do not return in a relaxed and friendly state of mind.

No, sadly, my return to my homeworld will be a horrifying event full of epic destruction and retribution. I do not intend to rest or relent until those responsible for my exile (and the subsequent annihilation of my adopted world of Sakaar) feel my wrath.

I’m the Hulk. I’m capable of an awful lot of wrath. And I am not alone.

On that basis, your readers may wish to evacuate the area in and around New York City as quickly as possible. A war zone is rarely a pleasant place to be.

You may wish to urge everyone to relocate west of the Mississippi River, in fact. I am contemplating a very protracted revenge.

Hulk (aka Dr Bruce Banner)

Dear Editor,

There has been some controversy over the decision of a small group (me included) to launch the Incredible Hulk on a one-way trip to a distant planet, effectively exiling him from the world of his birth. Some claim that this is inhumane and a violation of due process, as well as a violation of his civil rights.

C’mon, people, this is the frickin’ HULK we’re talking about!

Our intentions were honorable. Yes, the Hulk was once pardoned by the President of the United States for crimes committed as a rampaging green force of destruction. However, that was a long time ago. The Hulk has undergone unpredictable changes not only in his physiology but in his psychology; Dr. Leonard Samson, his long-time therapist, admitted to us that he cannot predict the Hulk’s behavior with any degree of confidence.

On that basis, we elected to transport the Hulk to a world devoid of sentient life, so that he could find the peace he claimed to want. If he wants to be left alone, why can’t we grant that wish? It is unfortunate that the ship was diverted to a world other than the one we had selected. It is equally unfortunate that the ship’s engines detonated and caused a massive loss of life. Those are failures for which we are responsible.

But we do not know the whole story; we only know what the Hulk—a creature of rage, not reason—chooses to tell us. Until such time as we can verify his claims, we remain certain that we chose the best course of action, not only for Earth but for the Hulk as well.

And if he chooses to make a war of it, the Hulk will find that we have extensive powers of our own to meet him and his “Warbound.” We suggest that he reconsider trying us on the field of battle, before there is further loss of life and property.

Iron Man (aka Tony Stark)

Link: World War Hulk news

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