Ledger Can't Take A Joker

HOLLYWOOD – Actor Heath Ledger has filed a restraining order against Gotham psychiatrist, Dr. Harleen Quinzel. According to Ledger, Quinzel continues to laughing-gas his security force and taunt him from his front yard with “let me in Mister J” and “aww, come on, Puddin’.” He also claims the discredited shrink rose out of his Wednesday night bubble bath like a psychotic Venus de Milo.

When confronted with Ledger’s allegations, Quinzel replied “Sure, I was there. We have an understandin,' me and Mister J. You maybe [sic] might say it’s a verbal agreement.”

Ledger admits he met Quinzel, known to friends as Harley, on the set of the upcoming Dark Knight film, Christopher Nolan's latest biopic about The Batman featuring The Joker—Harley's on and off lover. The star confirms that Quinzel expressed a deep affection for him, demanding he strap her to a rocket before being carted off by studio police. Still, he did not immediately recall the verbal agreement mentioned by the fatal femme. Moments later the Australian slapped himself on the forehead and mumbled something about a language barrier “What I told her was ‘you should stop by if you're ever, you know, not crazy.’”

Hollywood Insiders hype Quinzel’s obsession as a blunder, believing she has confused Ledger with the Clown Prince of Crime. This is a possibility as Ledger will be portraying the Joker in Dark Knight.

Harley biographer Paul Dini has a different take. “I don’t think Harley is acting on her own. Heath just isn’t her type. The way I see it the whole thing reeks of an elaborate prank and we know who does that best.” This theory may prove far more reasonable. A BPD inside source described the 'stalker act' as a ploy, designed to drive Ledger stark-raving-mad, thus inducing a truly inspired—joker—performance.

The Joker’s maniacal laughter echoed through the halls of Arkham when asked to validate or deny our information. However, his countenance dropped a full 4 inches when shown Ledger's look for the film. After pausing, seemingly perplexed, he finally intoned, “You must be joking.”

Batman: Harley Quinn art by Alex Ross.