Henchmen on Strike!

GOTHAM CITY - The Union of Goons and Henchmen (UGH) has announced a general walk-out starting tomorrow at midnight.


"We've been lobbying for better pay and working conditions for awhile now," said union organizer Stooge #4 (aka Pun, aka Sudoku, aka Tabby). "We have to put up with being given silly codenames and even sillier costumes, then have to pay into our own group insurance. You think the big insurance guys want to cover the kind of injuries you get mixing it up with Batman? I don't think so!"


Supervillains across the country were outraged.


"Who's going to listen to my maniacal rants?" fumed the Joker. "It's just no fun to spew about your big plans to an empty room. If I wanted that, I could move back into my parents' basement."

There's also the issue of who will go and steal critical machinery for diabolical plots, who will construct impractical deathtraps, and who will take it on the chin while the supervillains make their timely getaways.


"You gotta understand, I got a kid going to college in two years," Stooge #4 said. "I have to provide for my family. If dressing up as a cat or calling myself Flurry #1 puts food on the table, I'll do it. But I want a little respect, you know?"

Ask the Question Special Edition

The Gauntlet Thrown Down?

The comments section of Ask the Question received an intriguing entry yesterday-- our man Q verified several key points of information and authored a response this morning.

Without further ado...

We both know, why inform others? said...

Mr. Sage.

I find your investigations... effective. Perhaps TOO effective. As we both despise unneeded bloodshed, it would be for the best if you would, shall we say, redirect your attention, for a nominal fee.

Big things are coming, and we humans should form a united front.

We wouldn't want a certain photographer to find video of the Zaire incident, would we?

The Question replies:

An interesting overture, but we both know where I stand.

Zaire? A distraction (albeit a potentially *explosive* one, if you take my meaning) and only a tiny piece of a much bigger puzzle. But then again, you already know that. And the photographer? A hapless pawn, though even a pawn can get lucky now and then.

Ask your business partners about File 2179-J and payments made to Polaris Technologies. I haven't found your fingerprints on this yet...

BTW, that was you in Brussels yesterday. Visiting a Starbucks overseas? You know they're all wired into the Big Eye. Your seeming indiscretion is fascinating.

Humanity and a united front. Under whose control, I wonder?

More later.

-Q

A possible friend. said...

Polaris? You haven't deciphered that one yet? I am disappointed in you sir. Bigger things are afoot.

And YOU of all people should understand the Brussels incident.

Still, I applaud your work in the 51st Durlan crisis. I myself could not have done better.
You will come to my side in this soon enough, I think, but if you had joined when we had a choice. I thought you would like Earth 3.14.


Question:
Sometimes there is sense in professing ignorance, my friend. You've given yourself away on Polaris.

The Brussels incident implicates... well, it would not do to name them on a public forum, but the trail has been interesting to say the least. If you could see my expression...

And my thanks for your acknowledgement of the Durlan matter. You'd think they might learn. However, there are many loose ends to be tied off-- or snipped. Much left to be done. For is it not written, A is always A?

And Earth 3.14? Heh. I'm quite fond of pie.
be seeing you,

-Q

Whew! A fascinating bit of verbal byplay between two shadowy characters, n'est-ce pas? And one more from the comment box...

A student of history said...

Mr. Sage
As a prominent costumed vigilante what is your opinion on the recent exile of a number of prominent criminals to an isolated world?

I feel your opinion will greatly illuminate the matter.

The Question replies:

Interesting. Your awareness of these protocols invites further inquiry.

As to my opinion--it is a crime. True, every last individual exiled to this "isolated world" may be a sociopath and criminal, guilty of multiple transgressions, but their right to a day in court is a foundation of our nation's legal system. Summarily deporting them, regardless of whether they have been equipped with the means to survive or not, is injustice.

I continue to investigate the powers behind this gross miscarriage. At present, the byzantine manipulations extend to several places and my map grows complex.

I also cannot escape the feeling that time is of the essence. Something is coming--I suspect we approach a turning point. Things converge, strange anomalies appear to align.

My friend above knows some of what I suspect, I am sure, and may have his own counsel... but make no mistake. The removal of so many evildoers from the game board is no coincidence.

I will reveal what I learn at the appropriate time.

Until then,
-Q

Okay, this is starting to freak us poor BPD'ers out a little bit. I've never seen The Question quite this intense.

He's notified BPD that he may be unavailable for the next week or so. If he cannot write in, we have a replacement standing by... and you've seen her in action in 52, Countdown and the Crime Bible miniseries. Let's just say that there's more Questions than we have answers!

Till next time, readers!

Being Evil Doesn't Mean Being Unprepared: New Beginnings Insurance

A new option for supervillains to consider during open enrollment season has been unveiled: New Beginnings Insurance. See the vidcast here. (or watch below)


Unlike other insurance plans that only covered lengthy hospital stays for the supervillain set, New Beginnings Insurance offers an array of flexible options. The Basic Option covers you, the supervillain, when:

- Acme products do not work as advertised
- Bids for world domination fail (leaving you with hefty financial liability) or
- You're Rodney King'd by superheroes

Grief Support Services for victims of your destructive rampage (and/or their survivors, families, pets, robot servants, et al) are fully covered as well. Additional features and services are being added daily.

New Beginnings even offers coverage for thugs, goons and hirelings of all sorts. Now your henchmen can be covered as well, for less than the cost of one superweapon's daily maintenance. Experts say that offering fringe benefits to your workforce is the wave of the future; in a buyer's market, can you afford to be behind the curve?

Our Preferred Provider Networks cover all 52+ universes with New Beginnings hospitals, clinics, and secret hideouts in convenient locations. Our service is confidential and discreet; adjusters and representatives will come to you any hour of the day or night, in any location on Earth or Earth-adjacent (sorry, we cannot extend coverage outside the Solar System at this time, nor to non-human applicants).

In uncertain times, go with the brand that covers you. Your cowering minions will thank you for it (or at least, they might plot less often to overthrow you in a bloody coup).

Contact your local representative of Loeb Life for more information about New Beginnings Insurance at 1-800-555-EVIL.

New Beginnings Insurance is fully insured and licensed, in compliance with federal and state law, for those worlds occupied by characters from diverse quasi-realities as depicted in graphical entertainment. Endorsed by the Legion of Doom since 2002.

Mechanicsville Welcomes A.I.M

Mechanicsville, VA (BPD) -- Mechanicsville city fathers announced that the city is welcoming criminal organization A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics) to its pantheon of local businesses. Representatives of the city council and chamber of commerce made the announcement on Thursday at groundbreaking ceremonies for A.I.M's new secret subterranean base. While being primarily known as criminal scientists, AI.M also has substantial guerrilla military forces with some of the most technologically advanced armored vehicles and aircraft on Earth.

"When you look at it there really isn't any other choice for us for a primary base of operations," said A.I.M's Scientist Supreme. "I mean, a blind man could appreciate the delicious irony of it all. We're laughing in those super fools faces every time we come into the office!"

The local civic and business community is upbeat about the prospects for having A.I.M in town and downplayed residents fears that the criminal enterprise will attract metahuman intervention. Representatives of the city council and chamber of commerce, who declined to be identified or comment on the record stressed the benefit to the local tax base and the potential service to unemployed A.I.M will bring.

"You've got to be crazy if you think the community is just going to let this pass," said activist Richard Thader, a local resident. "We're going to be looking for the place to stage a demonstration before the Hulk or Wolverine comes tearing the place apart, causing it to self-destruct. We know how these places operate." Thader staged a small demonstration during the ceremony, held in the town square as the location of the base is secret to all but consecrated members of A.I.M.

"Make no mistake, we mean to expose it before they go nuke on us. These places always have a nuclear reactor," said demonstrator and local housewife Peggy Smith. "My sister and her husband lived out west near a H.I.V.E base once until the Teen Titans busted in. The government told her that it would be twenty years before the whole county will be decontaminated enough for human habitation. We don't want that here in our community."

Organized following World War II by Baron Wolfgang von Strucker as an offshoot of HYDRA, A.I.M. has battled the superhero community on many occasions. Notable successes for the criminal superscientists include the creation of the original reality-bending Cosmic Cube, the power-duplicating Super-Adaptoid and the monstrous supergenius MODOK (Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing). The organization has also been linked to the new Scorpion and the Livewires.

Artwork copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved

Electro: “This Costume Makes Me Look Like a Jackass!”

NEW YORK CITY - Maxwell Dillon, aka "Electro," was overheard complaining about his costume's aesthetic deficiencies after his most recent arrest, for shorting out part of NYC's Midtown electrical grid. Wrapped in rubber padding, following a fight with Iron Man, Dillon was bitter about his string of defeats but took a moment out to discuss his questionable taste in costumes.

"Bad enough I get beat-down by Spider-Man or some other costumed jerk if I show my face... but this costume-- what was I thinking? It makes me look like six feet of green and yellow ass! I can't even go through a regular door with these idiotic electro-spike things sticking out of my head. Honest, some days I really wonder why fate gave me the ability to shoot lightning."

Urged to reconsider his life of crime, if not his taste in costuming, Dillon said, "I'm gonna rethink this whole thing. Maybe I ought to try again with a new codename, y'know? I was thinking 'Captain Lightning' or something like that. Heck, a couple of us Sinister Six guys went legit for awhile, maybe I'll give it a spin too."

In the meantime, the high-voltage villain will be insulated on The Raft, awaiting trial and (God willing) a good costume designer.

Electro artwork by David Finch, all rights Marvel Comics