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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Oct 1, 2007

On 8th Life, Tom Turns to Kabbalah

Cartoon Mainstay Deeply Concerned About Mortality, Converts to Kabbalah

HOLLYWOOD - MGM cartoon star Tom of "Tom and Jerry" fame is apparently on his eighth life, following a traffic accident in downtown Hollywood. Recuperating at Cedars-Sinai Hospital, the feline said through a spokesperson that he only has nine lives and this brings him unhappily closer to the Big Litterbox in the Sky.

For that reason, he has decided to convert from Presbyterianism to Kabbalah. His spiritual advisor, Madonna, said that she supported the animated star's decision and encouraged him with several books on the Jewish mystic tradition.

Partner Jerry Mouse expressed deep concerns regarding this life-changing decision. "Tom's always been an impulsive guy," the rodent celebrity said. "I hope he isn't jumping into something on the spur of the moment that he'll regret later. He can't even tie the red string bracelet on his own wrist--how is he going to master the intricacies of a devotion based on mystical teachings?" He shook his head. "This is going to end worse than when he wanted to become a Formula One-driving astronaut millionaire playboy."

Tom said he intends to travel to Israel with Madonna as early as Christmas, as he's looking forward to seeing "the locations where the Bible was shot--even the B-roll, y'know?"

In the meantime, he's gotten plenty of visitors and support from his friends in Hollywood's toon community.

"His spirits are generally good," reported Jessica Rabbit, the hospital's press representative. "Jerry has been by his bedside for most of the last two days. Butch, Spike and Droopy came to visit, Heckell and Jeckell came to his window. Even Mighty Mouse sent flowers."

Felix the Cat, once a close friend but long estranged, said, "Tom's the guy who showed us cats how it's done. Sure, I came along first, but what did I have? A bag of tricks and a catchy theme song. Chasing mice is a young cat's game, though, and Tom ain't no spring chicken any more."

"He's my personal hero," admitted Itchy of Itchy & Scratchy fame. "I grew up wanting to be Tom. Every cartoon I make is dedicated to him. And to my agent. And sort of to my mother. But mostly to Tom."

A fixture in the watering holes of Old Hollywood, Tom worked only intermittently in the past few years until the debut of the new Tom and Jerry Tales show on Kids WB. He ran for public office in 1980 as a Republican but lost in a recount. He has been married twice but is currently single.

Through his press agent, he thanked his many fans for their support and said he hopes catnip isn't expressly forbidden by Kabbalah.

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