PLACES: Krypton

Visit Superman's Homeworld!

RAO SYSTEM - Sure, it's mostly a ring of highly radioactive debris around a middling red sun, but c'mon! This is Krypton, the homeworld of Superman himself! Not to mention the possibility of finding trinkets that survived the planet's spectacular end. Does anyone remember the Eradicator? The bottle city of Kandor? Both of them survived Krypton's explosive finale--who knows what else might be there? (Not that we want to encourage graverobbing, you understand...)


Travel can be arranged to the Krypton Belt via Brainiac Tours. Travelers are strongly advised to bring equipment and supplies for extended travel in deep space, amid radioactive asteroids. The necessary gear can be found in the current LexCorp catalog.


What will you see when you go to Krypton? Accounts vary, but most travelers report seeing a vivid green belt of rock and dust encircling the star Rao in Krypton's orbital path. Salvage operations undertaken by the Dominators, the Rannians, the Thanagarians, and other species have recovered no known examples of Kryptonian technology or samples of Kryptonian genetics; apparently Earth is the prime repository for all things Kryptonian that survived to the present time. The Daxamites (who are genetically-similar to Kryptonians) have hired L.E.G.I.O.N. and a large number of former Darkstars to establish a security cordon around the Krypton system, but permit tours under closely monitored conditions.

The largest concentration of Krypton's matter is undoubtedly "Little Krypton," a planetoid-sized accretion of rocks pulled together by residual gravity. Explorers have found vestiges of the dead world's great cities, with no fewer than six archaeological expeditions currently authorized to study the region; tourists are expected to avoid active research areas.

"Some people take the tour of Krypton expecting they'll gain some kind of superpowers," said star-hopping chauffeur Space Cabbie. "Doesn't happen that way, though. Most I've seen is this weird kind of green sunburn."


"Krypton has much to teach us about geodynamics," explained Prof. Emil Hamilton of S.T.A.R. Labs. "I would encourage all those with a deep interest in geokinetics and astrophysics to visit Krypton and see it for themselves."

Not everyone is as eager to see Krypton develop a strong tourism industry.

"All I need is a bunch of rubberneckers gawking and glomming onto chunks of my birth planet," complained Superman. "I mean, there's enough kryptonite on Earth now, you know? Now I have to figure there's a little K-rock coming home after every trip. How much of a headache is that, that Timmy the Tourist can zap me with his science fair kryptonite display? It sucks. I'm going to have to wear that damn lead suit everywhere. People are going to call me 'Leadboy' or something. Man."

Brainiac Tours and LexCorp together have pledged that ten percent of their gross profit will go into a New Krypton fund, to seek out, explore and perhaps establish a colony for Krypton's handful of survivors. "I'd like nothing better than seeing Superman on a colony world many light-years from Earth--preferably under a nice red sun," said Lex Luthor.


BPD is proud to declare Krypton our DESTINATION OF THE WEEK!

Come back next time for a destination that isn't quite so out-of-this-world.

Krypton artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

On 8th Life, Tom Turns to Kabbalah

Cartoon Mainstay Deeply Concerned About Mortality, Converts to Kabbalah

HOLLYWOOD - MGM cartoon star Tom of "Tom and Jerry" fame is apparently on his eighth life, following a traffic accident in downtown Hollywood. Recuperating at Cedars-Sinai Hospital, the feline said through a spokesperson that he only has nine lives and this brings him unhappily closer to the Big Litterbox in the Sky.

For that reason, he has decided to convert from Presbyterianism to Kabbalah. His spiritual advisor, Madonna, said that she supported the animated star's decision and encouraged him with several books on the Jewish mystic tradition.

Partner Jerry Mouse expressed deep concerns regarding this life-changing decision. "Tom's always been an impulsive guy," the rodent celebrity said. "I hope he isn't jumping into something on the spur of the moment that he'll regret later. He can't even tie the red string bracelet on his own wrist--how is he going to master the intricacies of a devotion based on mystical teachings?" He shook his head. "This is going to end worse than when he wanted to become a Formula One-driving astronaut millionaire playboy."

Tom said he intends to travel to Israel with Madonna as early as Christmas, as he's looking forward to seeing "the locations where the Bible was shot--even the B-roll, y'know?"

In the meantime, he's gotten plenty of visitors and support from his friends in Hollywood's toon community.

"His spirits are generally good," reported Jessica Rabbit, the hospital's press representative. "Jerry has been by his bedside for most of the last two days. Butch, Spike and Droopy came to visit, Heckell and Jeckell came to his window. Even Mighty Mouse sent flowers."

Felix the Cat, once a close friend but long estranged, said, "Tom's the guy who showed us cats how it's done. Sure, I came along first, but what did I have? A bag of tricks and a catchy theme song. Chasing mice is a young cat's game, though, and Tom ain't no spring chicken any more."

"He's my personal hero," admitted Itchy of Itchy & Scratchy fame. "I grew up wanting to be Tom. Every cartoon I make is dedicated to him. And to my agent. And sort of to my mother. But mostly to Tom."

A fixture in the watering holes of Old Hollywood, Tom worked only intermittently in the past few years until the debut of the new Tom and Jerry Tales show on Kids WB. He ran for public office in 1980 as a Republican but lost in a recount. He has been married twice but is currently single.

Through his press agent, he thanked his many fans for their support and said he hopes catnip isn't expressly forbidden by Kabbalah.

Superpowered Oddities: Vol 2.2.072.5b

News Of The Weird:
Presented by BPD

LAS VEGAS, NV – Arnold Napalm was the victim of a Mammicular Homicide when he was accidentally asphyxiated between two women outside a plastic surgeon's office. The women, old high school friends, were both scheduled for breast augmentation check-ups but hadn't realized they were seeing the same doctor. They squealed, ran towards each other and sandwiched, the at-first-thrilled, Arnold between them resulting in his death.

SEATTLE, WA – In hopes of overcoming her ailurophbia and cat hair allergies, or at least to bring the pain to all felines, Janice Tater injected herself with promicin. In a strange twist of fate her ability causes her to reek of catnip and fresh cream.

OKAY, OK– Kevin Mimic has a unique form of aural memory which causes him to recall everything ever uttered by President Bush in vivid detail. He is currently being treated for acute Wha-huh? Syndrome and over exposure to malapropism.

HELLHOLE CREEK, ID - Dexter Showtime, a serial killer who only kills serial killers got all mixed up last Thursday and killed himself. A suicide note, scrawled across his wall read simply: I Deserved It.

YEEHAW JUNCTION, FL - MISSING PERSON ALERT - Muggle-born, Ida Mae Jenkins Turnblat, had always thought Lord Voldemort was simply misunderstood and was probably "a right nice fella when ya git right down to it." She recently used her amazing disapparation powers to buzz over to Britain and join the Death Eaters. She has not been heard from since. Ida Mae, the product of inbreeding and an estrogen deficiency, is quite a remarkable figure with her untiddy black hair and large round glasses. There is also a jagged little scar on her forehead received from spying on cousin, Billy, as a child. Her Daddy-Uncle and Momma-Niece are offering a modest reward for news of her whereabouts.

Image of Dog Welder—the patron saint of superpowered weirdness—from Hitman #18 (September 1997)

HIT THE DECKS! The Card Soldiers Save BPD!

Part of Seeing Redd Week

Freedom!

After missing Network TV's entire premiere week (yes, sadly, Heroes too) BPD reached the breaking point. We started suffering symptoms of pop culture withdrawal, which included scrambling for back issues of PEOPLE, US and OK! (okaaay) After all, the only programs and activities Redd—Queen of all BPD, wicked be her name, long may the blood red flag fly to her glory, et cetera, et cetera— would approve meant having to choose between being in the audience for The View or a victim of that unfortunate Joker Roast.

Our spirits were not high. Morale was not good.

Just when all hope was lost, Card Soldiers led by Generals Doppelganger and Bibwit came to our rescue. Talk about cinematic! But, um, we're not sure why the Twining Generals kept screaming "This is Sparta!" (It's not, you know. It's northwest D.C.)


The staff is on the road to recovery but is forced to watch Best Week Ever to catch up on what we missed.













Star-photographer Stephan Martiniere caught these amazing shots of the rescuing army. Imagine hiding under your desk and having one of these guys run in, toss you over their shoulder and carry you to safety.

Big Thanks to Frank Beddor, Bo Liebman, Nate Barlow and Automatic Pictures for sending in the troops.

signed Kat, Drew and Sherin

BREAKING NEWS! Children Affected by Chang Tzu Breakfast

Part of Seeing Redd Week

"Egghead" Children Caused by Breakfast Food?

BPD WORLD HQ - Children in the Oolong County school system are being tested for side effects, following shocking hyper cephalic development among those students who took part in the "Big Breakfast, Big Day" program. [see Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg] The affected children all consumed breakfast sandwiches made from the remains of supervillain Egg Fu. Visible effects include cranial elongation akin to that shown by gamma mutate Samuel Stern (shown at right).

"Kids who ate the green-eggs-and-spam® sandwiches made from, um, reprocessed supervillain yolk have shown drastic... well, I suppose mutation is the only word that fits," admitted school superintendent Gary Chalmers. "In retrospect, using the substance of a possibly alien creature as breakfast food may have been ill-advised." Asked about the school system's liability, he had no comment.

Commissioner Demi Albumen, sponsor of the project, has issued no public statement.

Animal testing revealed the potential for physical side effects. This common white laboratory mouse (below) has shown vastly expanded intelligence and a sinister ambition to conquer the world, both traits associated with Egg Fu. Acme Laboratories in the United States is researching this issue separately.

"We wouldn't be so concerned, except that the children are discussing building super-weapons and how to take over the planet," added Chalmers. "You see this sort of thing in kindergarten and first grade from time to time, but these kids are in fourth and fifth grade. Fourth and fifth grade, people! These little, um, eggheads are serious! Frankly, it's enough to make me crap my pants."

Those children who are being tested have not shown anti-social or sociopathic tendencies to date, but have organized into a group to "promote our common interests and collective well being. We are the future and you will see what we can do. We act as one, a dozen eggs in one nest.

"Henceforth we will be known as Egg Fu's Young."

More on this alarming story as it develops.

The Leader artwork copyright Marvel Comics; Egg Fu artwork copyright DC Comics; The Brain artwork copyright Warner Bros. Animation, all rights reserved

Looking Glass Warrior: Interview with Frank Beddor

Part of Seeing Redd Week

BPD WORLD HQ/WONDERLAND - In The Looking Glass Wars saga, Frank Beddor reveals the truth behind the strange odyssey of Princess Alyss Heart.

Now we know Alyss fled Wonderland after the deaths of her entire family in an “off with their heads” coup by her malicious aunt Redd—Queen of all BPD. May the flag fly to her glory, et cetera, et cetera... After a harrowing escape, through the Pool of Tears, with bodyguard, Hatter Madigan she ends up on her own in Victorian England. Under the care of the Liddell family she was later exploited by Lewis Carroll in a LSD-fogged retelling of her back-story.

Until now, the world had only Carroll's version.

Last year, Frank Beddor released part 1 of Alyss' story in The Looking Glass Wars. It made the New York Times Bestseller list and earned enough to fund a new Institute for Paranormal Travel. Now with the recent release of Seeing Redd Senior Correspondent Kat Bittner welcomes the historian to the BPD offices for the inside scoop on the Institute.

By the way, the great adventure continues in Hatter M Geo-Graphic novel, on sale now!

Thank you for consenting to this interview, Mr. Beddor. First... what is the Hatter M Institute for Paranormal Travel?

The Hatter M Institute for Paranormal Travel is a devout assemblage of radical historians, cartographers and geographic theorists pledged to uncovering and documenting the full spectrum journey of Royal Bodyguard Hatter Madigan as he traversed our world from 1859-1872 searching for Princess Alyss of Wonderland.


Is there a museum affiliated with the Institute? Any highlights? Do they have a souvenir stand?

Tattered, annotated maps and coded journals discovered in a Victorian era trunk profiling this ‘extreme traveler’ are kept locked in the crystal archives at the Institute. The artifacts gathered here from around the world (such as Baroness Dvonna’s ‘GlowGoggles’) are considered too rare and valuable to risk public viewing without the proper security measures in place. However, plans are in the works for a traveling show of the Institute’s discoveries along with Wonderland art and other treasures of Imagination. At present, the only souvenir the Institute has to offer those deep travel enthusiasts wishing to join the search is Geo-Graphic Novel Volume 1 which went on sale September 26 in comic bookstores and through the LGW website.

How do you test for the authenticity of Wonderland artifacts?

Crystallographic analysis along with spectroscopy have both proven to be two of the Institute’s most powerful and accurate scans for authenticity.


This is not a book for fundamentalists of the Lewis Carroll version. What do you say to someone who is dubious of this version of Alyss?

What should one say to any avowed fundamentalist? Where is the FUN in fundamentalist anyway? Why have a closed mind? The universe offers a myriad of possibilities for any one position. Enjoy the possibilities of Imagination.


Where do Hatter M's blades come from? Are they like Wolverine's claws?

The origin of Hatter’s blades have been a hotly debated conundrum since our investigation first began. Theories have abounded including the wildly mad argument that Hatter’s blood contains the element alchemite which creates a crystallized metallic component that converts to the blades which are then forced out through the skin! But clearer heads have moved on and our most concrete evidence supports the theory that Hatters are taught to forge their own blades somehow utilizing the alchemite that flows through their rare bloodlines. Hatter’s blades are most definitely not anything like Wolverine’s claws since they are not attached to their physical form.


Any luck on the Institute cracking the haberdashery code?

Work continues by our resident radical cryptolinguist Sir Cook but unfortunately his attention span is that of a flea and we must continually hound him back to his desk to focus on the task at hand.


Any training manuals from the Millinery unearthed yet?

Several fascinating texts are currently in our possession. Stay tuned for revelations to come.


How were you able to translate the Wonderland alphabet? Do you have your own Bibwit hiding behind that door? I think you do!

Kudos must go to Sir Cook for that masterful piece of linguistic lateral thinking even though it took him much longer to translate than he had initially promised.

Are there any recent, unreleased translations we could take a peak at? We won’t tell a soul... Oh, my pen? It always flashes like that.

[Not to worry... Indeed.] I’m sorry but you and other fans of Alyss and the Looking Glass Wars will have to wait until November 2007 for more scintillating reveals when a fascinating volume titled ‘Princess Alyss of Wonderland’ will arrive in stores. The book is an amazing collection of the art, journals and letters of the exiled Alyss Heart created during her early years in London. British historian Agnes MacKenzie has done an outstanding job of collecting and narrating the volume and I think curious eyes everywhere will open wide at the outcome.

Are the Generals Doppel and Ganger actually twins or has General Doppelganger been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder. Nothing to be ashamed of. I have the occasional blackout myself. I always seem to wake up in Tokyo—wearing plaid....

Per In Queendom Speramu the physical manifestation is described as this re: GENERALS DOPPEL & GÄNGER -- Twining Twin Commanders of the Royal Army. Two people whose natural state was inside one body. Through much of Wonderland’s history the condition was considered purely mental, a split personality, until a gifted metaphysician found a way to unravel the afflicted person into two (or more) distinct people. This clarified the problem but was an imperfect solution, because many of the twins, once disentwined, became traumatized. The breakthrough came a generation later, when a method of allowing the twins to be composite or separated, at will, according to the situation was discovered. (see The Alyssians)

(Note to Reporter: You may be an unknowing victim of this condition, which would account for what you term ‘blackouts’. Or, you may just consume alcohol in an immoderate manner.)

There have been reports that Redd was actually more of a Pink Diamond then a Queen of Hearts. Do you have proof to the contrary?

Before I go on trial with regard to Redd’s bloodlines I would ask for more than an unconfirmed ‘report’ from an anonymous source and my advice to you would be to stop hanging out in those unsavory interdimensional bars where rumors and innuendo go to anyone with the price of a cocktail. Beware of tricksters and mischief-makers wishing to distort the truth! In Queendom Speramu (an ancient Wonderland text containing history, secret rituals, and a detailed genealogical record) along with rare ‘thorny’ DNA confirm that Rose Redd was born of the matriarchal line of Wonderland Hearts endowed with the penultimate linkage to the Heart Crystal thus fueling one of the darkest and most powerful imaginations ever released through the realms. Case closed.


Is there any truth to the rumor that Alyss was the Hilton or Lohan of her time?

Another rumor? Princess Alyss Heart may have endured tragedy and even ridicule during her exile but never was it caused by her own flagrant disregard for universal law.


There’s been talk of a Princess Alyss/Dodge romance. Is there any truth there?

The word ‘romance’ cannot begin to describe the deep and authentic love that exists between Alyss and Dodge. One of the true ‘predestined’ couples of the metaphysical ages; they have sensed since childhood that they were meant to be together. However, challenges and obstacles have existed since the day Redd’s bloody coup sent Alyss into exile. Even upon her return to Wonderland forces conspired to keep them apart. Will they ever find happiness together? Will love conquer all? The answers to this and more will be found in Book 3 of the LGW trilogy, which I expect to be available early in 2009.

The Looking Glass Wars soundtrack was released last year. An album of original songs? Are they folkie anti-Redd protest songs?

The soundtrack is an album of original songs that open the aural portals connecting our world to Wonderland . Since LGW is a novel set in two dimensions and so much of the story unfolds in Wonderland it came to me that for the reader to more fully experience these characters and their world I should somehow extend the mental dimension of the page to the aural dimension to make it more sensory and emotional.

Acting on an Imaginative impulse I decided to create an ‘aural novel’ by producing a soundtrack much the same as a director would for a film. It was an abstract concept but one that I felt held a secret, locked promise if faithfully and artistically pursued. The musical landscape offered an incredible choice of talent and within a short time a number of artists were at work on their songs.

And this is where it all became strange. For as the music came together and the tracks were compiled I came to know these characters, my characters, on a much deeper level. Ultimately, I found it both shocking and exhilarating to so intimately experience the anguish and passion of the heroic, monstrous, vengeful and loving denizens of Wonderland.

What is in the stuff the caterpillars smoke and can I get me some of that?

The contents of the Caterpillars’ omnipresent hookahs is known only to these wise seers of Wonderland history past, present and future. However, if you are willing to undergo a larvae metamorphosis for a minimum of 1,000 years you may join the smoking circle of enlightenment.


What do you see as my color of the “Glow of Imagination”?

Only Wonderlanders possess the ocular enhancement necessary to detect Glow. However, by using the GlowGoggles invented by Baroness Dvonna, I may be able to detect evidence of your Glow (assuming it has not been drained by the ravages of wi-fi and other incessant techno waves).

Please schedule an appointment at the Institute the next time you are in town and we shall investigate your state of Glow.


Tell us more about Deep Travel? Does this new way of travel come with peanuts?

From the pages of the Institute’s dictionary I shall quote:

Deep Travel vb. noun. adv. adj. (2006)

A state of travel surpassing accepted geographic and mental boundaries to go ‘beyond’ what is deemed possible as in “Whoa. Where the hell am I?”

No peanuts but you might come across a tarty tart or two.


Do you sponsor tour groups? Any special packages for couples or school children?
Interesting idea, however, we are too deeply immersed in discovery at this point to be involved with any form of tourism.


How about traveling through puddles? Do we get raincoats?

Those who make light of the puddles are doomed to unexpected and disorienting travel. Wonderland Proverb


Which way will get me back home from this interview faster?

Your mind is the quickest exit from turmoil. Remember, it’s all in your head...

__________________________

Truly, words of great wisdom. Thanks, Mr. Beddor, for a wonderful interview—and best wishes for your next voyage through the perilous realms of Wonderland!

Visit the official Looking Glass Wars site and don't forget to check out the upcoming Princess Alyss of Wonderland!

All Images courtesy of Frank Beddor.
Princess Alyss of Wonderland by Vance Kovacs
Tuttle Bird by Jennifer Bricking
Redd by Ben Templesmith

Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg

Part of Seeing Redd Week

OOLONG ISLAND - An unknown squad of "benevolent" scientists has donated Chung Zhu (aka Egg Fu) to the Oolong County School Board's 'Big Breakfast, Big Day' program. Tzu's threats went unheard as Commissioner Demi Albumen contemplated the myriad ways he would enrich her pet project. "Not only will Chung Chang—um, Ching-Ching-Chan...er, Chu Tzu. Ahhh--Egg Fu?"

Albumen placed a hand over the microphone and whispered to an aide. "Is it okay to call him that? It's not culturally insensitive or anything? Oh, he's evil? I see. He's eeevvvill. Well alright then." Vindicated the commissioner continued "Not only will Egg Fu feed millions of school children but his green, gooey center makes him very kid-friendly. Any more so and he'd be slime. Huh? Oh. I'm told he is slime. Perfect."

The infamous L'Ady sisters, Lunch and Cafeteria, wholeheartily agree and are excited about the new breakfast-sandwich they'll create once Zhu is in their custody. "It's right out of an orange book," said the portly Cafeteria, "Course we can't afford the ham but I reckon Spam™ is tastier—Brand recognition is huge for these Rugrats™."

The Chinatown Restaurant Association is already planning a protest. "He Chinese egg," said Wong Fei Chung owner of Peking Cluck, "They never hear of fried rice for kids!? It much better!" (He then went back to speaking the Queen's English, oddly enough, with a New Zealand accent)

Longtime Chang Tzu nemesis, Wonder Woman, warned there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children and that this could be an evil plot. "Don't quote me," said the Amazon Princess, "but there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children. This could be an evil plot."

Ms. Woman is a known conspiracy theorist (See "Save sanity. Save the world"). However, we will keep an eye on this story as it develops—by this we mean: Check back on Friday for Part 2!

Because Redd Said So

Part of Seeing Redd Week


When we contacted Frank Beddor, we knew there would be risks in opening the door to Wonderland. We never expected anything like this. We were under siege for seventy-two hours by a force of creatures formed from Black Imagination. Their banners proclaimed them Redd's Dreads, an advance force from Wonderland. They have taken over BPD in order to disseminate their message.

We will do our best to continue delivering quality, unbiased news but—well, you readers should prepare for the worst.

Comedy Central Roast of the Joker Delivers Laughs, Casualties

Part of Seeing Redd Week

By Daniel Palacio,
BPD Media Critic and Grouchy Old Man

Tonight, Comedy Central will premiere its roast of The Joker, taped last week in Gotham City. The festivities were hosted by pop culture icon Mark Hamill, who opened the show by pondering why they were honoring "a man who killed more people than Phil Spector". Celebrity roasters included Adam West, Harley Quinn, and Batman, as well as the ubiquitous Jeffrey Ross and Carrot Top.

Like all of the other Comedy Central roasts, most of the comedians took pot shots at one another and handled the guest of honor with kid gloves. Some notable exceptions:

" Seriously, though, he's a (bleep)ing psycho! The only people we know for sure he hasn't killed are Abraham Lincoln and Nicole Brown!" -Jeffrey Ross

"[He's got] a rap sheet a mile long: homicide, grand larceny, kidnapping Brad and Janet..." -Patton Oswalt

"I've watched that lunatic fall off the face of the Earth only to come back stronger than ever a few months later. Just like herpes. Isn't that right, Lisa [Lampanelli]?" -Batman

Still, the Clown Prince of Crime gave as good as he got: "It was nice of my friend the Penguin to join me tonight. Oh wait, that's just Patton Oswalt."

"Bats and I have known each other for a long time, well before he joined the Village People. You look much better without the mustache, by the way."

"I know people give Carrot Top a hard time, but I respect him. After all, he's the only person I know who knows more about bombing than I do."

The mood got a little tense after that last line, when the Joker said he had a prop of his own for Carrot Top, and electrocuted him with his joy buzzer, killing him instantly. The crowd sat in stunned silence for a moment, then erupted in deafening applause. Even Batman gave him a standing ovation, saying to him "That was your one freebie..."

To see what happened next, tune in tonight at 10 PM ET. AND 11 PM ET. And any of the other 50 times Comedy Central will run it this week.