Michael Turner Achieves Immortality

CULVER CITY, CA. - Artist Michael Turner, founder of Aspen Studios, achieved immortality as of June 28. Accompanied by Fathom, Soulfire, Lara Croft (Tomb Raider) and Sara Pezzini (aka Witchblade), he was escorted to a higher plane following a long battle with cancer.

Turner achieved fame with his work at Top Cow Studios, creating the definitive look of several female characters. He has long been considered one of the industry's best artists, particularly for drawing beautiful women.

Fans of his work are urged to donate to the American Cancer Society or to the Make-a-Wish Foundation in his name. Cards and letters may be sent to:
Aspen MLT, Inc.
c/o Michael Turner
5855 Green Valley Circle, Suite 111
Culver City, CA, 90230

The thoughts and prayers of the BPD staff are with his family, friends and co-workers.

Ask the Question!

Word on the street is that there's an all-new Question running around Gotham, working glove-in-glove with a nasty group of religious fanatics. We at BPD were naturally a little concerned, so we went out to bring you this installment of Ask the Question. This time, it's BPD's turn.

BPD: Good evening, Question.

Q: Hurm.

BPD: You okay?

Q: Yeah. Had a frog in my throat.

BPD: We heard that your recent investigation into a certain nefarious book led in some unexpected directions.

Q: You might say that. I was trying to find out more about the Crime Bible. This is a work that, depending on who you ask, is either an ancient collection of prophecies and tales of Cain--or a batch of ravings from a crackpot. Depends on what you believe.

Except I don't operate on belief--I have to know.

BPD: So what did you find? Is the Crime Bible for real?

Q: ...yes.

BPD: Should we be frightened by that?

Q: If you'd asked me last year, I would have said yes. Now... well, I'm doing all I can to defuse the Crime Bible's most horrifying prophecies. It's a herculean task, because any one thing I do may precipitate or fulfill a prophecy, rather than negating it. The more I know, the more dangerous my actions might be. Needless to say, I'm having some trouble sleeping.

BPD: What about this (for lack of a better word) cult, the Dark Faith?

Q: They're a factor in this situation. Let's just say that I'm keeping my friends at arm's length and my enemies close.

BPD: Anything else coming up?

Q: Yes. A recent meeting with an old colleague turned up some very interesting information. Your readers should keep their eyes open and prepare themselves--events are starting to spiral out of anyone's control.

BPD: Is there anything that can be done about that?

Q: Good question.

Thanks to The Question for this little Q&A. We'll revive ASK THE QUESTION as a regular feature as soon as things start getting back to normal. Till then...

-Your Loyal BPD Staff

Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

Interview with Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk

BPD was lucky to land an exclusive interview with Dr. Robert Bruce Banner and his alter-ego, the Incredible Hulk. The upcoming film by Louis Leterrier stars Edward Norton as the gamma-irradiated scientist; Banner assented to doing publicity for the movie as "community service" for the recent World War Hulk debacle.

BPD: Dr. Banner, what did you think of the movie?

BANNER: Oh, you know, they got some things right but this is Hollywood. They couldn't do the real origin, with the gamma bomb and all-- times are different and all that.

HULK: Puny humans afraid of puny human lawyers! =Ahem= That is, gamma bomb testing has been outlawed by international treaty since 1972. Using that as an element of my genesis might be seen as needlessly provocative or, worse, make this movie into a period piece.

BPD: I see. Hulk, what did you think of the movie?

HULK: Deconstructing the classic elements of forgiveness, redemption and the fruitless seeking of power, be it knowledge or brute force... I'd see it again. At full price.

BANNER: He's only saying that because I'm the one who pays for the ticket. Hulk doesn't carry cash.

HULK: You think I need to?

(At this point, the Hulk grew even larger and stronger. Tranquilizing gas was pumped into his cell.)

HULK: RAHRR! Hulk smash puny ticket machine!

(The Hulk's rage subsided after a long, hushed but angry exchange between Hulk and Banner.)

BPD: Moving on... Edward Norton plays you, Dr. Banner, and Liv Tyler plays Betty Ross in the movie. What did you think of their performances?

BANNER: Edward Norton is a tremendous actor, as is Liv Tyler. Meeting them was a real pleasure, albeit one that took place with several inches of bulletproof glass between us. That was an insurance necessity, I've been told.

HULK: Would've been nice to at least get a picture with them.

BANNER: Don't sulk, Hulk. Anyway, I think they captured the struggles Betty and I faced over the years. It was never easy.

HULK: You can say that again. When I think of all the garbage we had to put up with...

BPD: Calm down, Hulk, please.

HULK: I mean it really gets me ticked off, you know?

BPD: What about William Hurt as General Ross?

BANNER (fuming): Thunderbolt Ross is a jerk. And you can quote me in big bold letters.

HULK: No comment. But William Hurt is a wonderful fellow. Loved him in A History of Violence. Heh... what a great pun.

BPD: The movie also features one of your most powerful enemies, the Abomination.

BANNER: Yes. Tim Roth hung out in my incarceration unit a lot before and during filming--even asked for one of his own, for awhile--to "get inside" being a gamma mutate. I guess that's his method.

HULK (snorting): Method. Yeah, right.

BANNER: At least he still writes.

HULK: Whatever. They got the ears wrong. A-bomb has those funky batwing ears. I'm not making that up! Totally left those out of the movie.

BPD: What about the fight scenes? They look pretty good.

BANNER: More fun to watch them than to live them.

HULK: What would YOU know about it, puny Banner? GRAHRR!

Hulk smash Bat-Wing Ears!

=cough cough= That is, I've batttled the Abomination repeatedly and found him a challenging opponent. The movie represents that very adequately.

BPD: Have they discussed making a sequel yet? There are at least two major plot threads left hanging at the end of this movie...

HULK: Nothing has been discussed. Perhaps after the opening returns come in and they see if they have a hit. IRON MAN set a very high bar for us. Did you know Robert Downey Jr. is in this movie as that gold-plated double-crosser? Ooh, thinking about Tony Stark gets me so mad...

(The Hulk reverts to his savage persona once again.)

BANNER: =sigh= I thought we'd worked all this out in therapy...

HULK: Hulk have issues.

And with that, we close this interview. Thanks to the fine folks in the US Army Public Relations Division, Marvel News and Universal Studios for their help with this article.

Artwork copyright Marvel Studios and Universal Studios, all rights reserved.

A New God... Dead?

WYCKO, MN. - Citizens of this far-northern farming community were simultaneously proud and dismayed to find that a New God had chosen their home when it came his time to die. Identified as Stellar (a previously unknown and unworshipped New God), the dying super-entity's final words were (to paraphrase) "damn this sucks" and "dying... me! I'm a friggin' New God!"

"We didn't know what to make of it," said Heinz "Handy" Ostrobeck, a local farmer and merchant. "He was dying for what must've been half an hour out in Clancy Bright's field over there. Yelling and cursing and carrying on. I was tempted to take my old shotgun and just end it for him, you know? Our kids don't need to hear some space freak making a fuss like that."

The residents of Wycko had heard rumors that "some of them superfolk were getting killed off," Ostrobeck said, but "that's so far away from here, we didn't think it mattered much to us. Then this goofball from space shows up and dies and we're in the papers."

Reminded that the New Gods had, in fact, been getting murdered over the past year, Ostrobeck shrugged. "I can't expect to keep up with all them big city doings," he said. "When Superman dies again, let me know. Otherwise I'll just keep plugging along."

Other, better-informed folk admitted that they had forgotten entirely that the New Gods had been slain en masse, so that the revelation of a New God's death offered a certain novelty all over again. It certainly seemed nobody realized (or cared) that an entire civilization of powerful, benevolent beings had been annihilated, even though it had been heavily covered in national publications during the previous twelve months.

No funeral arrangements have been made, since there are no known next of kin (or anyone to pay for said arrangements). Clancy Bright said he might charge folks a dollar to view the remains, which are currently on display in his barn.

Artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved