Tony Stark's Birthday Party Sparsely Attended

NEW YORK- Apparently The Avengers don't read Evites.

Tony Stark rented out Butter last night for his annual birthday celebration, and this humble reporter counted less that two dozen partygoers.

"I think I know what happened," the beleaguered birthday boy bemoaned. "I e-mailed the invitations on the day that Ultron business happened. Maybe that caused the invites not to go out. That's probably it."
He then fished his cell out of his exquisitely tailored suit and said "I gotta take this," although I don't recall hearing it ring.

"He's been having problems all week," said longtime friend Carol Danvers, who looked visibly uncomfortable. "First, he was unable to book D'Or for the evening. Then Janet Van Dyne called to bow out at the last minute. When I asked if Henry was still going to make it, she yelled 'You ask him!' and hung up."
"I feel bad," she sighed. "This has been a pretty lousy for... I mean, thirty-fifth birthday for him."

The Bugle sent a rather unenthusiastic photographer to take pictures of the event, but after an annoyed phone call to his supervisor he promptly left. Reports of a gorgeous redhead in attendance with said photographer are sketchy.

Still, a few of the heroes, socialites, and b-listers managed to have fun. Newly-inducted avenger Ares was surprisingly enthusiastic:

"Fine maidens, fine food, and an open bar! I am well pleased!" the inebriated, self-styled God of War slurred.
However, his demeanor changed when I told him what paper I worked for. Upon hearing the mention of this s fine paper's name, he promptly grabbed me by the throat and said:

"Hear this, and tell your colleagues! If Gyuss Baaltar refers to me as 'Thor Lite' once more, I'll have his head!"

I didn't stay around long after that.

Daily Bugle Publisher Pens 20,000th Anti-Spider-Man Editorial

"Felt Good," Admits Jameson

NEW YORK - Daily Bugle publisher J. Jonah Jameson put to press his 20,000th editorial condemning Spider-Man as a "threat or menace" to the Big Apple. This marks an unprecedented run for any journalistic crusade, particularly with a single individual as its target.

Called for a comment, Jameson said, "While I wouldn't normally speak to you inkslingers at the BP, I gotta say... this felt good. That sleazy wall-crawling menace has been skulking around NYC for too go--gosh darn long! He's up to no good and the Bugle won't stop until he's brought to justice. I thought I had him where I wanted him when I put his costume on my wall... but no! I bet he planned that whole thing to make me look ridiculous."

Bugle editor in chief Joseph "Robbie" Robertson added: "Jonah's a New York original. He's got strong opinions and will share them with anyone who plunks down 35 cents for the Bugle. I wouldn't have it any other way."

The Bugle has been in the forefront of coverage on recent "black suit Spider-Man" sightings, following the hero's public, acrimonious parting with the Pro-Registration contingent of heroes led by Iron Man. After publicly unmasking himself as photographer/science teacher Peter Parker, the hero has been on the run, breaking the law by refusing to register.

Rumors that Parker has nearly been brought down by agents of the superheroic Initiative remain unconfirmed at this time.

J.K. Simmons as "J. Jonah Jameson" in recent Spider-Man biopic; all rights copyright Sony