Hulk Downgraded from 'Incredible...'

NEW YORK, NY - Due to his recent attacks on Manhattan and his vendetta against America's foremost heroes, the Hulk has been officially downgraded from "Incredible" to the more fitting "Irascible."

"We felt it was justified, changing to 'The Irascible Hulk,'" said Marvel News Group editor-in-chief Joe Quesada. "His actions have been pretty cranky. I have news footage of him kicking a puppy, for heaven's sake! No, he's no longer 'incredible' in our coverage. If this keeps up, we may even have to change his official adjective to 'Irritating' or even 'Abominable'. Though that might confuse him with the Abomination... ah well, we'll think of something really nasty. Hey! 'The Nasty Hulk!' I like it!"

Representatives for the Hulk had no official comment, except to say that "Green Scar is the Green King is the Hulk is Holku... whatever you want to call him, it doesn't really matter. He smashes wherever he likes."

Stan Lee, press agent for many prominent superheroes, said, "This is crazy! The Hulk, not Incredible? Not on my watch, true believers! Excelsior!" Lee was restrained before he could "rush to the rescue" of the green behemoth, who continues to reshape midtown Manhattan into a crude copy of a gladiatorial arena.

The Hulk recently announced his intention to make his defeated enemies battle each other in mortal combat, as he had to do on the planet Sakaar, as a gladiatorial slave of the Red King. Naturally, his earthbound sympathizers in the superhero community are dismayed.

More news as it develops.

Hulk artwork and logo copyright Marvel Comics, all rights reserved; Stan Lee photo copyright Stan Lee, all rights reserved

Comics Publisher To Fabricate Stories

NEW YORK - Marvel Entertainment Editor in Chief, Joe Quesada, announced that the industry giant will depart with tradition and begin making up stories next month.

Until now, comics companies have always published the real stories behind superheroes' adventures. As many fans know, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby established the original arrangement with the Fantastic Four and all other Marvel published heroes have been included via a Grandfather Clause in the contract.

"You have no idea how much we have to spend to catch up to all these guys," complains Quesada. "We've tried a variety of tactics over the years. Stan was the best at it because there were far fewer superheroes back then. You add up the costs of: keeping a tail on them to get the details of their activities, [body] cavity searches, transcription fees, jet packs, fancy time travel gizmos for missed photo ops, pensions for survivors of 'Hulk smash puny human' incidents; plus the ordinary costs of production and the most responsible thing to do—for the sake of our stockholders—was to start making stuff up."

Fan reaction has been mixed.