Tony Stark's Birthday Party Sparsely Attended

NEW YORK- Apparently The Avengers don't read Evites.

Tony Stark rented out Butter last night for his annual birthday celebration, and this humble reporter counted less that two dozen partygoers.

"I think I know what happened," the beleaguered birthday boy bemoaned. "I e-mailed the invitations on the day that Ultron business happened. Maybe that caused the invites not to go out. That's probably it."
He then fished his cell out of his exquisitely tailored suit and said "I gotta take this," although I don't recall hearing it ring.

"He's been having problems all week," said longtime friend Carol Danvers, who looked visibly uncomfortable. "First, he was unable to book D'Or for the evening. Then Janet Van Dyne called to bow out at the last minute. When I asked if Henry was still going to make it, she yelled 'You ask him!' and hung up."
"I feel bad," she sighed. "This has been a pretty lousy for... I mean, thirty-fifth birthday for him."

The Bugle sent a rather unenthusiastic photographer to take pictures of the event, but after an annoyed phone call to his supervisor he promptly left. Reports of a gorgeous redhead in attendance with said photographer are sketchy.

Still, a few of the heroes, socialites, and b-listers managed to have fun. Newly-inducted avenger Ares was surprisingly enthusiastic:

"Fine maidens, fine food, and an open bar! I am well pleased!" the inebriated, self-styled God of War slurred.
However, his demeanor changed when I told him what paper I worked for. Upon hearing the mention of this s fine paper's name, he promptly grabbed me by the throat and said:

"Hear this, and tell your colleagues! If Gyuss Baaltar refers to me as 'Thor Lite' once more, I'll have his head!"

I didn't stay around long after that.

Rorschach Captured?

Mystery Man Caught at Last?

NEW YORK CITY - This dynamite action photo by ace photog Zach Snyder suggests that infamous vigilante "Rorschach" attacked NYPD SWAT officers during apprehension.

Ever since declaring he would not retire from vigilantism several years ago (by leaving a note attached to a dead criminal at a local police station), following passage of the Keene Act, Rorschach has been a Most Wanted fugitive from federal justice. His apprehension, in the wake of Dr. Manhattan's disappearance, has stirred up controversies believed settled during the long-running Nixon Administration.

More on this story as it develops.

Image from "Watchmen", all rights reserved 2008

American Hero!

Who Will be the American Hero?

by Drew Bittner, BPD Media Correspondent

As we know, the writers' strike in Hollywood may be coming to an end, but the wave of reality shows has just begun to crest.

Case in point: American Hero.

We've watched the last couple of weeks as teams of wild cards--aces and jokers--have taken on a series of grueling challenges. Some have been "dealt out" (such as early favorite Jonathan "Bugsy" Hive, Blrr, Joe Twitch and Spasm) and others are playing a hot hand. Visit the show's official site and see a lot of "behind the scenes" info, including some content that didn't make it to air! Keep an eye on the Confessionals and recaps--there's great gossip to be found.

Naturally, BPD is on the case. We're working on a big interview with creators intimately involved in this TV phenomenon--come back soon and see what they have to say!

Atom Seeks Treatment for Microphobia

IVY TOWN - Rookie hero The Atom has sought treatment for a condition tentatively identified as "microphobia": the fear of tiny things. (This is not the same as "nanophobia," which is the fear of really tiny things, but is closely related.)

"I started having, well, hallucinations when I was changing size," admitted the distraught hero. "It just isn't normal to see the things I was seeing. Floating heads, colonies of aliens living on my dog, a microscopic serial killer... I mean, does this sort of thing happen to other heroes or is it only me?"

The Atom's fellow heroes noted that he has been under considerable stress for some time.

"He's had personal issues this past year--resolving some long-standing issues with his father and some past relationships," said Wonder Woman. "He just needs some time and space to sort things out. He has a warrior's heart and I'm confident he'll bounce back."

"My microscopic vision hasn't found the oddities the Atom describes, but that's his world--the microscopic world, I mean," said Superman. "Could be there are some dangers down there that we can't foresee. If the Atom has found cause to be alarmed, it would be better for the Justice League to have a plan in place." He grimaced and added, "I bet Batman already has plans for a microscopic invasion in that cave of his..."

The Atom's public statements did not address allegations of an attack by dust bunnies in a Motel6 this past week.

Henchmen on Strike!

GOTHAM CITY - The Union of Goons and Henchmen (UGH) has announced a general walk-out starting tomorrow at midnight.


"We've been lobbying for better pay and working conditions for awhile now," said union organizer Stooge #4 (aka Pun, aka Sudoku, aka Tabby). "We have to put up with being given silly codenames and even sillier costumes, then have to pay into our own group insurance. You think the big insurance guys want to cover the kind of injuries you get mixing it up with Batman? I don't think so!"


Supervillains across the country were outraged.


"Who's going to listen to my maniacal rants?" fumed the Joker. "It's just no fun to spew about your big plans to an empty room. If I wanted that, I could move back into my parents' basement."

There's also the issue of who will go and steal critical machinery for diabolical plots, who will construct impractical deathtraps, and who will take it on the chin while the supervillains make their timely getaways.


"You gotta understand, I got a kid going to college in two years," Stooge #4 said. "I have to provide for my family. If dressing up as a cat or calling myself Flurry #1 puts food on the table, I'll do it. But I want a little respect, you know?"