This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Sep 28, 2007

BREAKING NEWS! Children Affected by Chang Tzu Breakfast

Part of Seeing Redd Week

"Egghead" Children Caused by Breakfast Food?

BPD WORLD HQ - Children in the Oolong County school system are being tested for side effects, following shocking hyper cephalic development among those students who took part in the "Big Breakfast, Big Day" program. [see Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg] The affected children all consumed breakfast sandwiches made from the remains of supervillain Egg Fu. Visible effects include cranial elongation akin to that shown by gamma mutate Samuel Stern (shown at right).

"Kids who ate the green-eggs-and-spam® sandwiches made from, um, reprocessed supervillain yolk have shown drastic... well, I suppose mutation is the only word that fits," admitted school superintendent Gary Chalmers. "In retrospect, using the substance of a possibly alien creature as breakfast food may have been ill-advised." Asked about the school system's liability, he had no comment.

Commissioner Demi Albumen, sponsor of the project, has issued no public statement.

Animal testing revealed the potential for physical side effects. This common white laboratory mouse (below) has shown vastly expanded intelligence and a sinister ambition to conquer the world, both traits associated with Egg Fu. Acme Laboratories in the United States is researching this issue separately.

"We wouldn't be so concerned, except that the children are discussing building super-weapons and how to take over the planet," added Chalmers. "You see this sort of thing in kindergarten and first grade from time to time, but these kids are in fourth and fifth grade. Fourth and fifth grade, people! These little, um, eggheads are serious! Frankly, it's enough to make me crap my pants."

Those children who are being tested have not shown anti-social or sociopathic tendencies to date, but have organized into a group to "promote our common interests and collective well being. We are the future and you will see what we can do. We act as one, a dozen eggs in one nest.

"Henceforth we will be known as Egg Fu's Young."

More on this alarming story as it develops.

The Leader artwork copyright Marvel Comics; Egg Fu artwork copyright DC Comics; The Brain artwork copyright Warner Bros. Animation, all rights reserved

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