INTERNET EXPLORER USERS MAY EXPERIENCE DIFFICULTY VIEWING 3RD COLUMN

This Week

Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Sep 19, 2007

Jimmy Olsen STILL Not Dead!

Metropolis Photographer Stubbornly
Refuses to Submit to Tragic Destiny

BPD WORLD HQ - Defying insistent pronouncements from the Oracular Sayings Office of DC News Worldwide, Jimmy Olsen (photographer and cub reporter for the Metropolis Daily Planet) is still not dead.

"'Jimmy Olsen must die,' yeah, I've heard it, blah blah blah," Olsen muttered. "So where's the killing? Where's the peril? I'm busy covering the hottest new hero in Metropolis- Mr. Action- and so far, I'm seeing nothin'. Nothing! Heck, my mom is in more danger crossing the street."
"I'm really at a loss to explain it," says DC News editor-in-chief Dan DiDio. "We had a 89% probability that Jimmy Olsen would be dead by now... and our top people were all saying that his death was not only going to happen but was necessary. I don't know what they meant by that, but it makes for great ad copy!"

Jimmy Olsen's pal Superman says, "No death is ever necessary. My good friend Jim is a fine photographer and an ambitious young man--but I have a hard time believing that anyone wants him dead. Besides which, they know they'd have to answer to me."

"The whole thing wouldn't bother me so much if Las Vegas weren't taking bets on when I'll be bumped off," Olsen says. "There are even side bets on who will do it! I think Darkseid is top of the list, for some reason, but if I have to go out, I sort of hope it'd be Power Girl. Can you imagine getting the Hug of Death from her? =swoon!="

Olsen's part-time paramour Lucy Lane was not amused.

More on this story as it develops.
Jimmy Olsen Must Die/Countdown artwork copyright DC Comics, all rights reserved

2 comments:

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Will this story develop in 52 discombobulated parts over the next year?

Drew said...

You'll have to wait 51 weeks to find out!