If the combined comic book universes had their equivalent of The Onion, this would be it. The BDP can be a bit hit and miss in its humor, but when it's on, it's on. The perfect tonic for those who take their funnybooks too seriously.
NEW YORK - In what should be a landmark civil suit, Spider-Man, otherwise known as Peter Parker, has decided to countersue his former Daily Bugle employer, J. Jonah Jameson, for harassment. Parker asserts that working for a newspaper that regularly defamed his alter ego took a toll on him. Jameson started the legal battle when he initiated a suit against Parker claiming the former photographer for the Bugle fabricated photos while in the paper's employ.
Jameson also claims Parker used the Bugle to further the popularity of his Spider-Man persona. Parker says the claim is "blatantly ridiculous."
Foggy Nelson, Spider-Man's attorney, read from a prepared statement at a press conference last night announcing the suit. Parker could not attend personally stemming for his semi-fugitive status. "My photos were never used to promote my status as Spider-Man. If anything, selling my photos to the Daily Bugle only decreased my popularity with the citizens of New York. On more than one occasion, Mr. Jameson used my photos in biased editorials and outlandishly inaccurate recounts of my exploits."
Nelson went on to read, "For years, I provided photos to a company that strives not only to see me in prison, but, a few times, in my grave . No other paper would even look at my pictures, and what was I supposed to do? Not eat? You know how many chemicals went into making that webbing? I won't tell you were the new stuff comes from, but it is saving me...how would the fingers-counting-cash hand sign be written on paper?"
"My client is not in this for money. In fact, Mr. Parker is seeking damages equal to what Mr. Jameson is seeking, or for Mr. Jameson to end this 'farce.' His words," Nelson was quick to add. "Our hope is that this will all be behind us soon."
When asked for his side of the story, Jameson had only this to say. "You want a comment? Here's a comment. You want to know what I think? What the truth is? Read a respectable paper like the Daily Bugle! Now get out of my office!"