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Scott Pilgrim sought and found

Sep 21, 2007

Zoning Dispute Over Meta-Teen Meeting Center

By Guest Correspondent
Gyuss Baaltar

San Francisco, CA (DP)-- Titans Tower has become the center of a zoning dispute in the San Francisco bay neighborhood.

Slade Wilson, a retired veteran, recently purchased a condo with a water view and raised the issue of Titans Tower with his home owners association. "Just look at that thing," says Slade, "It's a monstrosity. Instead of enjoying sunsets, I'm stuck with a giant 'T' in my way. " Slade's comments quickly made their way to city council and hearings were held.

Titans Tower was originally zoned as a meta-gathering spot by the San Francisico city council. The hope was that by allowing the Teen Titans to construct their headquarters in the bay, the team would serve as protectors of San Francisco residents.

At the latest city council meeting, questions from San Francisco residents were raised about the appropriateness of the structure. Cassandra Cain pointed out that the Tower is only used on weekends and hardly serves to provide full-time meta-protection to the city. "Have you also noticed that it's a full of statues of dead people?" asked Ms. Cain to the council "It's not a meeting place. The land is practically being used as a graveyard. This was not the intent when zoning restrictions were lifted so it could be built. Let the teens have their goth playpen somewhere else."

Robin was on hand to dispute that the tower served a purpose. "You can't take the Tower [sic] away! Where else would meta-teens gather? We'd just be loitering on street corners." Robin then went on to disparage the character of Slade Wilson. City Council chair Susan Weatherbee had to use her gavel and remind the young crusader that casting aspersions on veterans in this time was not helping his case.

The Council has tabled the issue for now and is considering other options such as razing the tower and asking the Titans to create an underground meeting space, or set up a room to meet in at a local rec center.

When further pressed for comment, Wilson said "I'm just doing my duty as a concerned citizen and property owner. I've served my country and now I just want to serve this community."

3 comments:

Dan Reads Comics said...

Damn it! Beaten to the draw on the follow up. Round 2 is yours, Baltar...

Drew said...

Never fear, Daniel- we like your follow up item quite a bit.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Score 1!

This is a long slog, but we'lll slug it out till the end.