Chang Tzu: The Incredible, Edible Egg

Part of Seeing Redd Week

OOLONG ISLAND - An unknown squad of "benevolent" scientists has donated Chung Zhu (aka Egg Fu) to the Oolong County School Board's 'Big Breakfast, Big Day' program. Tzu's threats went unheard as Commissioner Demi Albumen contemplated the myriad ways he would enrich her pet project. "Not only will Chung Chang—um, Ching-Ching-Chan...er, Chu Tzu. Ahhh--Egg Fu?"

Albumen placed a hand over the microphone and whispered to an aide. "Is it okay to call him that? It's not culturally insensitive or anything? Oh, he's evil? I see. He's eeevvvill. Well alright then." Vindicated the commissioner continued "Not only will Egg Fu feed millions of school children but his green, gooey center makes him very kid-friendly. Any more so and he'd be slime. Huh? Oh. I'm told he is slime. Perfect."

The infamous L'Ady sisters, Lunch and Cafeteria, wholeheartily agree and are excited about the new breakfast-sandwich they'll create once Zhu is in their custody. "It's right out of an orange book," said the portly Cafeteria, "Course we can't afford the ham but I reckon Spam™ is tastier—Brand recognition is huge for these Rugrats™."

The Chinatown Restaurant Association is already planning a protest. "He Chinese egg," said Wong Fei Chung owner of Peking Cluck, "They never hear of fried rice for kids!? It much better!" (He then went back to speaking the Queen's English, oddly enough, with a New Zealand accent)

Longtime Chang Tzu nemesis, Wonder Woman, warned there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children and that this could be an evil plot. "Don't quote me," said the Amazon Princess, "but there may be dire consequences in feeding super-villains to children. This could be an evil plot."

Ms. Woman is a known conspiracy theorist (See "Save sanity. Save the world"). However, we will keep an eye on this story as it develops—by this we mean: Check back on Friday for Part 2!